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The break up.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

2 week countdown to 27th Birthday. Ooo boy.
I am super happy with where my fitness is at. My muscle strength is back, better than before this summers illness took me down. My endurance is up better than before to. I've been running a quick 2 miles every morning, making sure to take the route with the tough hill and sprinting the last .25 miles. Im lifting heavy, instead of mixing up and hitting all the muscles I focus on upper one day, lower another, abs, etc, etc. These tough workouts have been a goal of mine. I am doing it. Eating healthy, having a slice of pizza and feeling full enough to stop, remembering my vitamins and drinking my water. No slip ups, no excuses, its been a goal of mine to live out this healthy lifestyle without over thinking it. I took the time I needed to focus on me, I stopped cheating on myself, and now I can turn my focus on my family, friends, and work. All those little steps in the last 2.5 years, slowly improving day by day. I am truly seeing the changes and succeeding at so many of my goals, wishes, desires. Feeling good, having energy, eating right, working hard, the clothes!, setting goals and finishing by days end. I am proud of myself and in awe. True, those little steps got me here but what changed?

I felt like a version of Siena Before but now I feel like 'this is me, this is Siena.' Theres a Kelly Clarkson song that often comes on during my runs, Already gone. Ive always loved that song, but never had a love that ended as anything like what she is singing about. But on Mondays run, something just inspired me and I knew that song, THAT hits me in the gut and it seems silly bc its just a song, song is my break up song for me.

"Already Gone"

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop

I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
But someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go


You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Its a little split personality, but hats how I feel about old me, and new me. I stand here, 2.5 years later, almost 2 years with spark feeling more full circle, 180 than ever. I am ready for abs, I am ready for competition, I am ready to reap in the rest of the wonderful rewards that go along with breaking up and moving forward with ones life. The new hair cut, the shopping sprees, the nights out with the girls, the change of friends, the change in attitude, the new door that opens so I can love myself that much more! Walking the walk so I can help others work towards and achieve their goals as well :]

And I'll start now :] If you have had time to read this you definitely have time for a 30 sec wall sit. Why? Because your worth it... and maybe its time you break up with yourself too :]

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