150,000-199,999 SparkPoints 195,038

Trying Again

Monday, October 01, 2012

I don't even know what to write. I'm depressed. I'm sad. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm sitting at work trying not to cry at my desk, literally fighting back tears. I've been eating my feelings (again) for a long time it seems. My weight is slowly creeping back up and my clothes are not fitting anymore. :(

I'm trying to find the energy to try again because I hate feeling this way and I hate my body. At the same time, I'm so depressed lately that the thought of doing anything is overwhelming even though, rationally, I know I'll actually start to feel better once I start exercising regularly again. I know what I have to do, but getting off my large rear end is exhausting. I need to commit to 10 minutes of exercise every day, feel like it is enough, and stick to it.

And I wish I felt like I had anyone in my corner, supporting me in this journey. I'm no good at reaching out for support, but I know it's not fair to expect others to do it for me either. I don't really talk to anyone because I feel like all I do is complain and no one wants to hear that...everyone has their own struggles to worry about...or I don't really know what to say. I'm not good with people and I have no emotional energy to be a good friend right now either. This sucks.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KNH771
    It's almost like you were writing MY blog!

    emoticon The hardest part of starting over is that first step. The one where you forgive yourself for being in a place where you feel you have to start over! I know sometimes I wish this journey was a straight line, but it's more like a zig zag or a maze! I like your idea of starting off with a ten minute exercise streak. That's always really helpful for me when I need to refocus. Best of luck!
    1992 days ago
    Don't give up. I can identify with you. I lost 42 pounds over a year's time and kept it off for a year. I went through some stressful times in my marriage, fell into depression; and ate those pounds back on. I was angry with myself for a while. It's been about two years ago and I am starting over again. I lost the weight the first time by committing to ten minutes a day. It's hard to get going again this time around with the same commitment. I'm challenging myself to do it. I'm encouraging you to do it also.

    emoticon emoticon
    1992 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by KATIEM929