Monday, October 01, 2012
I don't even know what to write. I'm depressed. I'm sad. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm sitting at work trying not to cry at my desk, literally fighting back tears. I've been eating my feelings (again) for a long time it seems. My weight is slowly creeping back up and my clothes are not fitting anymore. :(
I'm trying to find the energy to try again because I hate feeling this way and I hate my body. At the same time, I'm so depressed lately that the thought of doing anything is overwhelming even though, rationally, I know I'll actually start to feel better once I start exercising regularly again. I know what I have to do, but getting off my large rear end is exhausting. I need to commit to 10 minutes of exercise every day, feel like it is enough, and stick to it.
And I wish I felt like I had anyone in my corner, supporting me in this journey. I'm no good at reaching out for support, but I know it's not fair to expect others to do it for me either. I don't really talk to anyone because I feel like all I do is complain and no one wants to hear that...everyone has their own struggles to worry about...or I don't really know what to say. I'm not good with people and I have no emotional energy to be a good friend right now either. This sucks.