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Day 41: Nightmares

Monday, October 01, 2012

I have been having a really hard time sleeping for the past week. I can't fall asleep, and then when I finally do I end up waking up at 4AM and not being able to go back to sleep. Not sure what the physical shift is that may have caused this (it feels physical), but there is definitely an emotional component that is coming into play now. I took a sleep aid last night to try to interrupt this pattern of insomnia, and while I did fall asleep, I had horrible nightmares all night. These were the kind of dreams where you wake up crying and screaming. They were about my partner and our relationship. These kinds of dreams are always hard for me to come back from, because they seem to be revealing some sort of truth that I am trying to avoid in my waking life. But as my partner says when I share them with him, the "him" in my dreams is not really him, and I can't "punish" him for things that "Dream Him" did or said. It's hard to know how to listen to what my gut it telling me is wrong through the dreams without taking them literally. I am trying to just be open about how they make me feel and hope that the themes can open up a dialogue about what is going on beneath the surface.
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    When stressful situations hit me - such as what you are experiencing - I have nightmares and night terrors. I can relate to what you shared and I have felt angry at people, simply due to what I experienced in the dream state. I know it's not rationale, however, it is rational. It is - as you shared - usually because in my dream state I see clearly what is going on, and in my awake state, I cover it up. I also use dream journal and imagery to sort through the symbols, when the dreams are powerful. I have a great book and it's a guide - not the solid facts. I draw out the dreams, add in the colours, write up the smells and sounds, then look at the symbolism. I follow with free writing - where you don't think, you just write thoughts as they come up - and it's amazing what falls together. Other times I know exactly what's going on, don't need to do all that and then a choice has to be made - either let it go (truly free it all) or deal with it. Because my subconscious is not going to let me out of it. Silly subconscious! I know I wrote a book and I hope it helps. I really have been there, it is physical and it is emotional - it's both. Plus you also did a cleanse, so your mind is also busy cleansing. Thinking much of you and sending much positive energy through the universe.
    1970 days ago
    Perhaps a book about dreams from the library would help? Just a thought.
    1970 days ago
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