Watching and waiting

Monday, October 01, 2012

Well, we had a big meeting last week and discussed some details of our work lay off.

We found out that the first 50% of us will be gone as of 11/12/12, and then they will slowly cut more people until 2/12/2013 and the last of us is finally free, um, I mean, fired.

We still don't know about severance packages yet, they haven't finished ironing out the details, but we do know we will be getting a package when we are let go.

This is helping m stress level a lot, knowing more about what is going on. It is stressful enough to know your job is on the line, but when that is all you know and you are sitting around in the dark waiting for the axe to fall the stress is worlds higher.

Now, thank God, my husband has a good job and we aren't stressed out about losing my income. In fact, we are having serious discussions about me becoming a stay at home mom.
But me, I am another story. I have been working my backside off for years, and the thought of not having a job is scary to me, just because. Because the idea of not working is so strange to me. And I hate to admit it, but I find baggage from my first marriage rising up, and I find myself scared to be in a position to trust my husband to take care of me financially.

On the other hand, I would love to stay at home. it has been a dream of mine for sometime. I know, there are plenty of women who see being a stay at home mom as being unproductive, not doing her part contributing to the household financially, being lazy, not having anything to do, setting women back after all the feminists have fought for. I have had all of these things presented to me as reasons I shouldn't stay home. Heck, I have presented them to myself.

But, the thing is, I don't really feel that any of those things are true. I feel a woman at home contributes just as much in something more important than money, she gives her time to her family. I have stayed at home before, briefly while my son was an infant, and I never lacked for things to keep me busy, and now that my son and stepson are in school I can volunteer my time if I find myself with extra time in my day.

As far as setting women back, I think that is nonsense. I understand that women have fought hard to get where we are today, to be able to work, receive the wages we deserve, the benefits we deserve, and to not be mistreated in the workplace. We have worked hard to be able to be who we WANT to be, not to be pushed into a mold and expected to pop out behaving and looking the way we are expected to by male society. But the thing is, I feel that it is wrong, very wrong, to judge a woman on what she wants, or to insinuate that because what she wants isn't what you would choose, that she is somehow wrong or less intelligent. We have fought for opportunity, for the right to choose in all areas of our lives, and then we, women, snarl and nash our teeth at any fellow female who dares to choose something we wouldn't. Doesn't matter who you are, working woman or stay at home, mother or childfree, we all rip each other to shreds like sharks in a frenzy because the other person is doing something differently than we are. I am not innocent of this, but I have been feeling a lot of conviction for judging my fellow woman. So, that is that. I will come down off my soapbox now, LOL

But that is what is going on, and I am stressed to the max, so emotional eating is creeping up on me and has been hard for me to control lately. I am working on that, but it is still frustrating to catch myself falling back on old habits.
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