(Such a nice short title - LOL)
Last week end, Sept. 22nd, I went for what I hope will be the first of a long and fruitful series of counseling sessions. This has me hopeful because, for the first time, when I've mentioned to a counselor that I think I have ADD, Dave didn't go, "Hmm. Now let's get back to your depression."
Dave has been president of a local chapter of CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) and has done a great deal of research and counseling in that area. Actually, he is ADHD himself.
I'm happy, thrilled and relieved to report that he confirmed that - yes - I have ADD!
Finally, I can say I KNOW I have ADD instead of I THINK I have ADD - and that is a huge thing.
Now I have a reason, not an excuse, for much of the way I am and have been all my life.
Now it can be dealt with and worked on. In this case, it's a label I'm thrilled to carry.
What was rather cool as well was as I told him various life stories that I felt backed up my thinking I have ADD, he kept saying things like: "That's text book ADD." "That's a classic description of an ADD behavior." It is just so awesome! It's like the title of a book on adult ADD - "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!" That's exactly how it feels. Freeing.
Now, after all that up-beat proclaiming, I'll go on to say I've been having a rough week since the appointment. I think the Negative Nelly in me is scared and has been rattling the bars of her cage. After my initial "Woo Hoo!" I've been depressed. Lots of "It isn't going to make much difference anyway and everything I do is garbage." sort of crappy thinking, which all sounds so correct and true when my emotions take a dive.
Hopefully . . . hopefully, I am now on the road to obtaining ways and means to deal with this and brighten my life.
I've told my counselor that I want to:
1) Get my book written
2) Get into a more healthy life style
3) Get ways to handle my life as an ADD person
4) Combine working on all of this into one package.
The last point is vital.
I've found that, because of my ADD, I can't work on major things as individual items or it doesn't last.
In 1987 I found an "organize your house keeping" system book that I liked the sound of, so I got it and began doing the program. For 4 months I kept my house clean. I got to where I didn't even need to look at the 3x5 cards that are the heart of the system any more for my daily or weekly tasks. I was thrilled - AND - everything I read said that if you do something consistently for 3 months, it has become a habit (I don't think they meant for ADD people), so I thought "Cool! It's been 4 months. I'm doing terrific. Time to add losing weight!"
I started Weight Watchers. Within 2 to 3 weeks the house was a mess - but the diet was doing wonderfully.
They were two separate "programs" started at two separate times, not integrated, so when I started focusing on the diet it overrode the first program.
I couldn't do both. They each took too much focus.
I don't want that to happen this time. I want to get my book done. I want to loose weight and get fit and I have to learn ways to deal with being what I am so that I can do what I want and need to do.
Will this work?
Will it all happen?
Is this even something my counselor can put together?
Will I explode in the process?
I'll keep you all informed.
Send good thoughts and prayers my way - I'll be needing all the help I can get.