You know its wrong, but...
Sunday, September 30, 2012
I have been holding off on posting you on this. I feel guilty and ashamed. But there are so many wonderful SparkFriends that I know are curious about how this work thing is going for me.
The bad news is: poorly.
Not the work part. That's great! The kids are nice & cooperative. My colleague is cool and any bumps in the road have been ordinary, expected and overcome easily. It has been a good experience for my bruised ego.
But the food and exercise part has been a travesty. I'm a mess. My calories were cut to 1200 by the Spark 'puter. I am trying to eat healthy, but I'm so damned hungry all the freakin' time. I upped my veggies, clamped down on fats, looked for healthy choices, packed healthy snacks and its still not enough food. The numbers say I have enough protein which was the first hunger trigger I noticed when I first started Sparking. (If I got enough protein, I was able to keep myself in line the rest of the calorie way.) Just because you know what you are doing wrong, doesnt mean its any easier to fix it.
Exercise plans have gone out the window. I have exercised after work exactly ONCE, despite good intentions, bringing clothes and planning. I "one more thing" myself out of my exercise time. "Oh, let me just grade this one last orphan paper." "Let me organize my desk so that I can find that tomorrow." "Let me get ahead on my photocopying while I can." "Where the heck is that computer file saved?" The next thing you know its 3pm, my drop-dead-go-get-the-Child time. Plus my legs are so tired from standing, my back aches and I have a headache. The one time I did manage to run (Parent Night, when I was there from 7am to 8:30 pm) it was so hard I managed the 10 minutes and then quit. I think it might have been a low blood sugar thing. This was after I spent 2 hours grading tests. "Finish this, and then you can run. Promise, we'll burn off this cortisol!" I did decompress a little on the run, but it wasnt enough to get the exercise benefits.
Oh and my plan to do something in the middle of the day. Toast. I have students almost all the time making up work. Sigh.
Last time I weighted myself, I was up a pound. I didnt weigh in yesterday or today...I'm afraid for this week and will put off the bad news. My depression, anxiety and insomnia are back with a vengeance now that they dont have my endorphin warriors keeping them in line.
So yeah, there we have it. Not the most optimistic blog. I know exactly what I'm doing wrong, but its still happening.