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A Moment of Pause: Self-Dialogue

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Today, I had a little victory.

So, I woke up at 1:30pm, which was an hour earlier than I had intended, thanks to noisy neighbors. I'd gone to bed around 7:30am after being awake for about 20 hours straight. I was facing at another nice, long stretch of little-to-no sleep, as I am working until midnight tonight (I am typing this at work; I am a BAD GIRL), then paper route 3am-6am, then back at work for a shift starting at 8am and going until about noon tomorrow.

Now, I had made some tiropites in between shifts to keep myself awake, and noshed on a couple for breakfast. I had already planned for pizza tonight. And I when I woke up still tired, hungry, and craving hamburgers.

Possibly good news for me, I hate most fast food hamburgers. My hamburger cravings are always for REAL MEAT. There are joints a short drive from my house, and if I didn't find their little rubbery patties so positively disgusting, I probably would have hopped in the car, driven through one of the drive-thrus, and blown my diet for the day without a second thought. My repulsion of the nearby joints gave me the pause I needed. What follows is approximately what was going through my head:

- I really want some beef.
- Some Arby's would be nice. They're across town.
- If I'm going to drive that far anyway, I'd rather go to Gandolfo's and get a real sandwich, and they don't have a drive-thru. I'd have to put on some real pants.
- I am having pizza tonight. I should have something healthier.
- Maybe a deli sandwich.
- I'd also have to put on pants to go down to JJ's.
- Grocery store deli requires pants.
- Maybe I should just hit up the McD's or Wendy's.
- You hate McD's and Wendy's.
- But I really want a burger.
- But you really can't stand their food.
- I could go over to DQ. I like their food.
- But you're having pizza tonight.
- But I want a burger.
- But you are having pizza tonight.
- But I want a burger. Maybe I can skip pizza tonight.
- Are you really going to skip pizza that you've been looking forward to all week?
- Point taken.
- I still want a burger.
- Look, you can have a burger, but you're going to feel guilty later, plus you're feel physically crappy with all that junk food.
- But I want a burger.
- Don't think about what you want now. Think about what you want tomorrow.
- I want to be healthy.
- But I also want a burger.
- Eat a salad instead.
- I don't want a drive-thru salad.
- Make a salad instead.
- With what? I need to do grocery shopping.
- You have spinach, tomatoes, and tuna. You can make a meal out of that.
- I still want a burger.
- The salad will make me feel better, though.
- Fine, I'll have a salad.

So I went and grabbed the tuna and mixed it with a LITTLE mayo, and dumped it on top of some spinach and grape tomatoes. I had some actual REAL parmesan leftover from tiropita-making that I sprinkled over it. And you know something? Once I started eating and getting that food in my system, I stopped craving hamburgers, and I felt GOOD. I had had a very blunt, candid dialog with myself, and the healthy choice won, and in the end, I felt pretty good.

I mean, I was really, REALLY craving red meat, and it was downright HARD to talk myself out of that. My mind knew what the smart choice was, but my cravings were incredibly persuasive.

Once I added everything up, it was a good thing I went with the salad, too. The pizza and tiropites were not very diet-friendly, but I still managed to come up under my max calorie limit. My fat was way high, and my carbs were low, so it wasn't a "good" diet day; it was an "okay" one. Pizza nights are never "good" nights, but I can't give up my 'zza! (Hubby won't give up his 'zza, either.) It could have been a "bad" one, though, had I let myself talk me into burgers instead of salad. So I'm throwing today's lunch in the "small victory" pile.
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