Thursday, September 27, 2012
Ok so this sounds strange but I've been in a really bad head space lately... A little distracted, spacey and grumpy quickly. I do have a lot of things going on but today it really hit me. I think I'm grieving over food. I don't know if it's really possible but I think that's it. I miss the simplicity of eating. Since being diagnosed with a gluten intolerance it's changed everything about eating for me. And I LOVE food and not in an unhealthy way. I really honestly love food! EVERTYHING now is a challenge, can I eat this? Does it have hidden wheat or gluten? What restaurants can I eat at now without spending a fortune? Who has a GF menu? Can I afford to spend $5 on a loaf of bread and $2 on a bag of spaghetti?
For instance last night was a Scouts meeting, I pick the boys up from after school program and come home throw food at them and then off we go. It's usually something like chili dogs, or chicken nuggets and fries or on rare occasions we'd drive through somewhere. Scout nights are our "crap food" night, not always crap but no fuss grab and go type and I can't do any of those anymore. So as I fed the kids I got sad and grumpy at the same time and realized I think this space I'm in is over not being able to eat normally.
I'm trying not to be a crybaby about it. I've actually been doing well with it (or so I thought) I think I was totally overwhelmed yesterday when I made dinner and knew I couldn't eat some of the stuff I made the boys but then a voice in my head said check the label and there was hidden gluten and I wasn't able to eat dinner because I didn't have time to make anything. It just stinks because I Love food and now it's such a drag. I just want it to be happy for me again.
I just miss the simplicity of being able to make food and not have to think about it. If I forget to pull something out of the freezer, or if I haven't prepped for dinner I'm screwed (pardon my language), or sometimes I don't have anything for me so I cook my families meal and I'll eat the meat and veggie part but find myself still hungry or sad that I can't eat the whole dinner I cooked. I really miss eating chili dogs and bean burritos. I can't do a lot of canned food or even pre-seasoned or season packets and marinades. I mean heck frozen french fries have gluten in them! So a lot of my go to recipes are out now. And I feel like I'm eating the same food over and over now.
I know it'll get easier, I'm already seeing and feeling the results of being GF but there are still SO MANY Things I don't know, there are still foods I don't know. I wish someone who understands this could walk through a grocery store with me and show me what's safe and not, or find a list of things that are ok to eat if we go out or a list of places that have a GF Menu.
I just wish eating could be simple again...and happy!