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Binging: 473, Tina: 2!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Oh my god. Oh my god! I can't believe what I just did. I can't believe it.

I just followed through on my promise.

See all that right there? I just threw that ALL away. Every last bit.

About a month ago I resolved that should I binge on any food, it will be tossed. Of course it's never as simple as that, though. I waffled, I binged, I told myself I could throw the snacks and candies away later, I worried about the money I spent on everything. I managed to toss a bag of (free) animal crackers a week ago, but that was mostly because they were a couple of years old and smelled like rancid oil (I still ate a couple, make no doubt).

This time though, last night was really really bad. I kept going back and back and I knew something had to be done. As I lay in bed, I planned out how I would procede.

I did not just get up and toss everything in the garbage. In retrospect, I knew everything would have been back out of the garbage so fast it would have made your head spin. Just going for it would not have produced any success.

Instead, I lay and visualized my every move. First, I would sleep, wake, and go for my 5K training. Following this, I would come back and empty out all of the snacks and candy from my hideaways. Next, I would remove everything from the packages and dump it together in a bag. Then I would photograph it for prosperity, before dumping kitty refuse onto it. Last, I would go all the way downstairs to toss it in the dumpster.

And I did it. I did it! I allowed myself the time to accept it and as soon as I got home after my workout I was ready and I did it.

The empty containers are languishing in my trash bin. Four, count them four almost uneaten varieties of Goya wafer cookies (40 calories per cookie, what is that?!). A jar of oil-roasted peanuts. Starlights and fruity Tootsie Rolls. Two kinds of Hershey Drops. Mini Rolos, Bite-Size Butterfingers, and Junior Mints. You see that cluster of four butter mints in there? I was saving that as permission to eat all four at once.

All gone now.

It was hard, very hard. I will confess I ate the equivalent of a wafer cookie in the process. There was a Junior Mint stuck in the box that had to go in my mouth. I did reserve the sugar-free hard candies I use to flavor my teas and drinks, as well as two of each wafer flavors, a few sets of fruity Tootsie Rolls, some ginger candies, and my White Rabbit milk candies. There are also some unopened packages of Hershey Drops, Luna Bars, and maple covered peanuts here which will be dropped in the food bank bin as soon as possible.

But the majority of what I would binge on each night is out. I can't say I wasn't tempted by the candy even when I was dumping cat crap on it. But just look at all of that! It's a LOT more than I expected, thousands upon thousands of calories, piled a few inches deep. I thought I was being smart, purchasing the candies that were small in size, 40 calories or less each. Turns out I was just throwing away money. There are TOO MANY put into each package. Even if I allow one Hershey Drop candy each day, I would be eating them straight for three months. My cravings last a few days at most, not MONTHS.

My binges however seek to justify having one of each flavor every night only because it is there. As you can see, the binges usually have the edge on me.

Besides, the manufacturers always make more.

Every time I'm faced with the conundrum to toss food, I remind myself that they make more. These words have provided more comfort to me as a food addict and hoarder than you could ever understand. It's okay, they make more. If a craving for Butterfinger returns, they make more. If I want something, they make more. And I'll be a bit smarter to buy the candy in the smallest quantity possible such as from the bulk bins instead.

I'm still in shock. I planned and visualized myself finally following through on my personal promise, I slept on it and grew my resolve, and then I did it.

And it's so much more rewarding than allowing myself a piece of candy.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1808 days ago
  • KONRAD695
    emoticon It's hard to spit out the poisonous apple once you've taken a bite. Good for you emoticon
    1813 days ago
    Many congratulations on following through on your promise to yourself and tossing the candy! I know I would have bee sad to throw so many delicious treats away too but the temptation of all of those goodies would have been way to strong for me to resist too. Well done and stay strong!
    1814 days ago
  • BOB240
    maintenance stinks........:(

    Everyone lied. Once I hit maintenance I thought I could eat as much pizza, chips, chocolate as I wanted... lies..lies..lies..
    1819 days ago
    The visual made an impression on me - I'm sure it made a very significant one on you! I think there is some real power in your documentation as there's no denying the truth. It's all there right in front of you.

    Huge kudos for the photo and the ritual. Both are inspiring.
    1821 days ago

    I know you are probably still in shock right now.... but once it sets in, take pride in having such strength.
    1821 days ago
    Way to go, getting rid of the treats.

    I can keep anything like that around, because I WILL eat it!

    That's why I like to just get 1 or 2 of something at the grocery bulk bins - much safer than buying a bag of them!

    1822 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    I cannot even begin to describe how proud I am of you. You are a true warrior against binge eating.

    1822 days ago
    Congratulations! I can't imagine how hard that was for you.
    1822 days ago
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