Wednesday, September 26, 2012
So, in followup to my last blog, I do really miss talking to steven. It has been so inspirational to have so many sparkers encourage me to recognize my grief, but move on with my life. So lucky that I have this website. Even though I miss steven, it hurts much much less than any other time we parted ways. Right now, I am just trying to embrace the fact that I'm not drinking and partying all the time, and it feels soooo good. Suddenly, little things that I haven't stopped to notice in a long time are occurring to me.
Last night I fell asleep in a warm comfy bed with clean sheets. There were times (not that long ago), when I couldn't afford a mattress. I just curled up on the laminate floor at night and made do. I usually couldn't afford laundry detergent either, so I had to wash my clothes in hot water and hope for the best. Now my linens smell like flowers :)
I have a sustainable way to buy food. And pay my rent. I get to live in a largely safe, quiet little urban neighborhood with 4 other young people who love and respect me. A little over a year ago, I was renting a small, bug-infested, overpriced one-room basement apartment from a man who was 35 years older than me and still routinely hitting on me and making me feel uncomfortable. I have so many little things that I lived so long without, that I should spend so much more time appreciating. I have a dresser for my clothes, I have a kitchen to cook healthy food in, I have a cell phone that works, I have a bachelor's degree, I have a stable income, I have control over my drinking problem, I even have those damned expensive replacement heads for my electrical toothbrush!! (hahaha) These were all things that even a year ago, I had to make do without. And it feels so good to have them. It feels so good to lay in my bed at night and feel the fan blowing cool air on my skin and breathe in the autumn and realize that I have gotten myself to safety, security, comfort and good health.
Wednesday is "hump" day. You're supposed to be miserable because you're only 50% of the way through the week. But today feels like a pretty darned good Wednesday!
Continued love, support and thanks to the sparkfriends that made these positive thoughts possible!!!