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jealous of her eating disorder *headdesk*

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

This is awful. Possibly trigger-y if you're anorexic -- I'm apologizing in advance. I'm being a pretty crappy human being today.

So, my neighbor. She's gorgeous. Also incredibly nice, like the kind of nice where you wonder what she's up to, you know? But after a couple years living near her, my conclusion is -- she's just a really nice person. She's also recovering anorexic/bulimic who shared with me horror stories about a year in rehab, a body weight so low her organs were shutting down, and the evil, awful stuff that happened to her as a kid that caused all this grief.

I cried when she told me her story. I admire her courage in having a baby and just freaking living her life every day. But damned if I'm not also consumed with envy that she's lost 18 pounds in a month. Her son made a comment about her tummy (nice kid), she freaked out, hit the gym for two hours every day, says she didn't stop eating, but I don't know... she's 18 pounds down, one month later.

Now I know, I KNOW, that this could be the recurrence of her disease. It's scary. I'm scared for her. I'm also blindingly jealous. Nice, huh? I feel like a real piece of work today.

(I feel even worse now that I've written this out. Wow. I better just call it a day and do better tomorrow.)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHANGINGSAM 9/26/2012 9:53AM

    Honestly, I think it's human. Some things come "easier" for others. Sometimes, I read peoples' blogs about how they've lost 40 pounds, and I'm slightly jealous because I've been struggling with 15 for about 3 months. It's tough. However, you've come a long way. You came to SP to learn healthier habits. One day, you'll be at your goal, but you are going to have to work at it (just like she did since you said she went to the gym). So, don't let this sideline you. emoticon

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LIFECHANGER85 9/25/2012 8:13PM

    its the between pictures we tend not look look at. Everyone's body adjusts differently.

I sometimes get caught up in the moment wishing for something different, all I can do is work towards my final goal. Best of luck ladies :)

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ALESHAWALKER 9/25/2012 4:45PM

    I felt that little bit of misplaced jealousy too today. I was on a friend's facebook that was kind of chubby average in high school but now is pretty thin... as I flicked through the pictures I noticed WAY too thin. There are tons of comments on her page to gain weight and I felt a little bit of jealousy that she has lost so much...

But as I said, it's misplaced. I'm not jealous of an eating disorder, but I do envy anyone that is already at their "end".... I'm a sucker for before and after photos haha

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