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    MNWILDCIN   12,903
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints

When do adult children start paying their way? Feeling bad about this...

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

My first blog. Ever. Here starts my rambling. Today, I told my 20 yr old daughter she would need to get her own car insurance. That went over like a lead balloon. She's not speaking to me. I'm currently unemployed, not earning anything. My fiancÚ is happy to pay for both of my daughters cell phones,help them with groceries and supplies, occasional gas and we give them generous gifts. My 20 year old chose to move out because she wanted a dog. She makes very good $$$ in tips,and has another job. She is a full time nursing student, scholarship $$ covers most of her tuition. She recommended that I get a job so I can continue to pay her insurance. I was laid off a year ago, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer and I lost her in April. This is the first time in my life that I haven't worked. I was a single mom and had to work a lot during those years. I'm applying for jobs, our job market is tight. I'm going to substitute teach to help with our budget. I'm disappointed in her reaction. She bought a new car and I told her at that time that I wouldn't be paying her car insurance forever, if she can afford the car, she can afford the insurance. Am I wrong???? I feel like I always put my children first, now I feel guilty I can't pay this for her. I am very proud of her accomplishments. emoticon

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
PPELTON 9/27/2012 12:27PM

    You are a wonderful Mother..NEVER forget that. I had to do the same and I am happy to say My daughter DID talk to me shortly afterwards. Be strong and hold on! Daughters always love their mothers!

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MIZINA730 9/27/2012 12:14PM

    You are a good parent, did a great job through the years, and shouldn't feel guilty for anything. She was warned when she bought the car that you couldn't keep paying insurance forever. With the job market, she should understand. And she is still getting plenty of help.


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TREE57 9/25/2012 9:23PM

    You are most welcome! WW loss is our gain!


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MNWILDCIN 9/25/2012 6:26PM

    Thank you for your responses. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, my parents didn't pay for anything. I think the ghosts of my divorce pop up now and then, and I try to overcompensate.
I gave up my gym membership, gel nails and weight watchers during this time, but I have no regrets spending time with my Mom. I really like spark people, I don't miss WW.
I just can't ask my fiancÚ to pay for their insurance in this economy.

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TREE57 9/25/2012 5:46PM

    I left home at 17 years old. Had just graduated high school and was on my own. My parents never once helped me with anything...except they did feed me when I visited them on the weekends. I paid my own rent, utilities, food, car insurance, etc. Yes, it was a hardship and I lived on peanut butter sandwiches, but it made me stronger and more determined.

I am so thankful that my parents saw in me the independent person I was to become. Without the cutting of the parental MONETARY ties, I probably wouldn't be as strong minded. I learned how to stand on my own and make my own way.

Please don't feel guilty. Guilt should never be a feeling we get when we help someone else stand strong.

Your daughter is an adult. She has a good job and makes good money. At 20 years old, she should be ready to stand on her own. It is never easy for us to stand back and let them fend for themselves, but in order for their legs to be strong enough to hold them up for the rest of their lives, we must let go (monetarily).

Be strong for her now as you did when she was little. emoticon

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RSPAPRIL281 9/25/2012 4:57PM

    She is 20 years old, bought a new car, is on her own and you are not able to keep paying for her insurance...I wish my mom would have helped me as much as you have helped your daughter. My family threw me out as soon as I was 18 and haven't helped me since. It is time for your daughter to grow up and deal with things on her own. you need to think and worry about YOU. Don't worry she will get over her anger but don't back down...she is an adult and needs to take responsibility for her own insurance. emoticon

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WINACHST 9/25/2012 4:39PM

    Don't feel guilty; you were able to help her out and now you are not able to continue with that support. Most likely with the new car the insurance premiums went up also, that is not your responsibility. I am not sure how I would handle "Maybe you should get a job so you can continue to pay for my responsibility."

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    Welcome to Sparks! I hope you get things figured out soon.

I'm here rootin' for you!


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