Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Yes, that's a rhetorical question. I know exactly how I ended up here again. It's the same as always. Something happened and I used it as an excuse, then I went into a sugar coma and lost track of time - and gained weight.
I'm back at my original weight. I have lost the same 20-something pounds about 10 different times. I'm so tired of doing it but I always end up back here. And I KNOW when I'm DOING IT what will happen. I just can't get my body in gear!
But that's the past. I'm not dwelling on it. I'm back. Again. And if I lose and gain again, I'll be back for ANOTHER round. And again and again and again. Until I am no longer on this Earth or I finally tackle this beast on my back.
After the surgery and being told I cannot do ANY exercises (even chair) I lose all the stamina I built up. I was confined to my bed so I pretty much just slept and watched TV. Once I was able to walk around the house (but still no exercising), I would just sit around. Once I was able to move around I didn't care. I was depressed. And in that depression I sat for two months or more. I'm doing everything I can to pull myself out of it without medication but I have an appointment with my doctor in two weeks and I have a feeling she is going to try to put me on meds again.
I asked her to give me a month to try it my way. She agreed. While I was there I also had blood work and a flu shot. The flu shot kicked my butt!! I'm finally getting over the flu (still have a lingering cough and a bit of a stuffy nose) and trying to be more active. I know the bitter cycle of depression and I cannot allow myself to wallow in it! It isn't healthy and certainly not the way I want to live my life! It will take a little while to get back on track definitely but I'm not going to be my own obstacle anymore!
I hope everyone is doing well and Sparking!!