Monday, September 24, 2012
Well, this week I begin my third week. I must say that in these past weeks I felt as if I was in a roller coaster ride. Some days I feel filled with energy; I'm on top of the world, sort of feeling, as if I can exercise until I pass out and never give it a second thought. Other days I feel so low and filled with guilt that I think about quitting just because I figure I will never make it below 200 lbs. Yet, I still am here standing and trying. I wonder, since my feelings and thoughts about my ability to lose weight have been so hectic, how will it be when I finally pass my first official month?
Keeping my food track has definitely been very helpful. To my surprise, my biggest problem is that I under eat, or add a bit too much of the wrong type of food. So now I am trying to find a better compromise with my mind and my body.
I try to put goals in front of me. For example, if I manage to finally reach 190 lbs, something I have desperately been trying to do for the last 3 years, then my husband will agree to pay for a gym membership for me to attend. I figure this way, since gym require commitment, I can show my husband how serious I am in my goal to lose the weight, and thus he can commit financially to support me. Then, my second goal is that if I reach 175 lbs, I will finally allow myself to buy the bike I always wanted, so that I can use my bike to get from point A to point B, once I learn to ride of course. And finally, if I truly make it to 150 lbs, although nervous to do so, I promised my husband that I will allow him to take me on a shopping spree to get a new wardrobe. Something I dread and have not done since 2005, and something my husband has been complaining to me about wanting me to do since 2005. I figured that by giving myself these rewards, it will keep going hopefully to reach my finish line. And my biggest reward will be to do more physical activity stuff with my children.
Talking about goals. Today I climbed a huge steep hill. According to the map it is only 0.3 miles, but it looks like the hill of death. LOL. For years, I have told my husband I would climbed it. Well, today was that day. Against my husband's plight, I took the stroller containing a 32 pounds toddler, and two heavy bags tied to the stroller, and I climbed it up. It took me a mere 10 minutes to my surprise. I always, even though over weight, been a fast walker. But, oh boy did I believe I would get a heart attack. My original plan was to walk up the hill then walk a total of 2.6 miles, I only managed to do the steep hill. Took all my strength, but now I know I am capable of doing it. So, my new exercising goal is to not only successfully walk up the hill, without thinking I will get a stroke, but complete the whole 2.6 miles. The day I can complete such a task without feeling fully exhausted will be a day that I know that I truly am heading if a more fit and healthier direction. Not to mention that it was nice to see my child smile proud because I was able to climb the hill without giving up, okay maybe verbally I gave up and the words "HOLY MOULY" kept coming out of my mouth, don't ask what Mouly means, I just use it when something seems impossible and yet its still possible. Either way, I am indeed happy tonight. Tomorrow is my resting day before Wednesday when my very physically friend is coming to get me to help me try to practice for the 5k virtual marathon.
To all of you who like me are struggling, Good luck, you are not alone, and no matter where you are, or how much or little to succeed, I am one who is proud of you.