Looks like the last time I was really active on SparkPeople was when I wrote my last blog back in April of this year. Eeeek! This was when I was in my second week of the Bikram 60 Day Challenge. Wow, seems so long ago and it technically was. I actually finished that challenge on May 31st and it was an amazing finish to a long road.
I want to get back to some normalcy and back on track but am having a hard time. A little depression has set in along with some feelings that I remember distinctly 12 years ago when I was weighing a lot more than I do now. So I'm writing this blog today to kind of explain to myself why this year has been an odd one for me in regards to fitness, goals, nutrition, etc. It's been many years, in fact, 12 to be exact, to be at this place that I'm at right now. For the first time in 12 years, I started out the year with no goals or plans set in place which has kind of snowballed for me. We are now into September and I still am not sure what I want to do. I'm stuck like Chuck!!!
I decided since I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do or how I was going to handle this little hiatus I was having, I would get back to some kind of structure. I returned to Jazzercise a little after our vacation to Germany in June with the hopes of at least getting a workout in a few times a week with that structure I long for along with burning some calories. I also returned to power boxing about a month and a half ago. I was on a roll and feeling good. My nutrition was in check and I was getting my workouts in daily, even a few days of run/walking and then BAM, I herniated another disc (did this same thing back in 2008 after my last Oly Triathlon) in my lower spine just bending over for something menial and had to put everything I started on hold.
This little setback has really turned into something bigger within myself. I was already having some of these feelings earlier this year and that is why I dove into Bikram yoga and dipped right into that challenge only a month after I started. I was craving some type of endorphin rush. At the moment, I'm having a little bit of self-doubt, self pity, low self esteem and probably a bit of that demon I call depression that I felt back when I was 230 lbs. I'm not that overweight by any means and this isn't about being overweight. I think I'm just down (which Grace doesn't get this low much) and am having a hard time getting back up. It's a little bit of everything and anything my negative thoughts can muster up. But whatever it is I NEED TO GET OUT OF IT A-SAP! I learned a long time ago, that this IS NOT ME! I don't give up, I don't quit, I never stop doing stuff just because of minor setbacks, it's just not me I tell you. I will get out of it.
I believe I am an endorphin junkie and I need to get that feel back. Hmmm, maybe I'm having withdrawals and just need to get my head out of my butt and get on track! Whatever it is I vow, here and now that I will start something, I don't know yet what it is but it'll come to me when I least expect it. My DH had a good point the other night, he said, do what you love. Well, I love a lot of things but my heart as far as fitness is with TRIATHLON, so I believe that is where I will set my sites to.
For me, it's been more than one bad day but that's okay.
I vow that I will continue blogging just for that feel good feel afterwards.
Thank you to all my SP buds who read this!!!