Monday, September 24, 2012
I feel like every time I lose weight and go on a fitness journey, it follows some sort of turning point, breaking point, etc. Its like I hit bottom and then decide not to put up with it anymore and do something. Most often, it is outside influences that shock me into sticking with it. For example, some A hole calling me fat or me realizing I will never reach my athletic goals at my current state. Orrrr, doing it to impress someone I have feelings for. To me, all these reasons whether good or bad, at least do the trick and get me to work my butt off.
Every once in a while I am able to motivate myself out of pure desire to look and feel better for me. That is probably the most healthy motivation but I have to admit its the most difficult in the long run. However painful it is to have someone tell you in blunt mean terms that you are fat...IT WORKS. Literally, immediately I am shocked into a diet and won't quit because I am mortified.
Anyway, no one has recently said I am fat (or skinny lol polite people in my life i guess), but I want to be a navy rescue swimmer and I definitely just want to be confident and comfortable with myself. I want to feel light and energetic.
SOOOOO, one day at a time. I have decided instead of counting consecutive "good days" I will add up all the "good days" in lets say a month. That way if I have one bad day I don't have to feel like poop and that I have to start from square one.
So last week even though I didn't track them, I had about 4 great days. Followed by a not great day--too much champagne and no work out. Today was great though and so was yesterday so I am up to 6 good days. :) Feels bad already.
I will never understand why something that makes me so happy and feels so good would be so hard to start. I love losing weight, I love looking great, I love healthy foods, I love being fit, I love sports and exercise. But food is my drug. I do love the taste of food obviously, but it is a drug for me. I am addicted in an unhealthy way. And unlike regular drug users, I can't go cold turkey bc food is necessary for life! duh!
I can seek help though and this a start. Also, I have accepted that this is a burden I have had almost all my life and probably will have forever. But that doesn't mean I can't fight like hell.