It feels like forever since I've updated you all with my shenanigans. I will be able to be a lot clearer in my heart progress next week as I take another week to focus on me, and my internal progress and less about my weight. So stay tuned for next week's blog. I'm looking forward to sharing what I've been up to the last few weeks.
I am a wee bit frustrated that since announcing 1 lbs to go to 50 pounds, I picked up 2. Meerp. But you know what? Whatever. I'll get there when I get there.
I am still under the weather, so my nutrition has not been optimum. BUT I am not gaining (other than those 2 pounds that were in the same week and could just be a fluctuation) so all in all success.
I have also really toned down my exercise. August I killed with 90 minutes of intense exercise a day and really burned myself out. I am going slower, sticking to walking with the Hubs and brisk window shopping. It makes me feel like I am active without feeling pressure to "perform". I am also counting calories less strictly, but still adhering to a low calorie diet. Last time I saw my doctor, she asked me to raise my intake to 1300 so I am trying to work out the new flow of what 1300 calories feels and looks like in my day to day living.
Also, I found a really GREAT new dress that is the most comfy thing in the entire world. AND it was too big at a size 16. I was overjoyed. I know this brand runs big- so it was probably a US16 not a UK16 (which is strangely different in cut) and it's nice to think that if I travel to the US again I can happily plop myself into a 14.
It's strange to think that my BMI is still "Obese" but I am shopping at normal regular stores, that I eat normal healthy regular foods, and that my body is responding to all my tests in normal regular ways. I am living proof that BMI should not be the only health standard. Because I certainly don't feel obese.
And that leads me to my next point. I am no longer aiming for 141 pounds (half my start weight). I am only aiming for 102 down at 180 pounds. While I still have moments of perfectionism rearing up, I am not a child and can make the right decision based on the facts not on societal pressure. I am not binding myself by the BMI scale any longer. If I still want to drop weight at 180, that's a-okay, but I have looked at what 150 pounds looks like on someone of my build and height, and I don't want to look like that. I love my curves - sure, I lament about how they are shrinking disproportionately, and I am totally keen to be a bit smaller, but at this moment, there isn't anything I can't do.
I can run. I can sit in any size chair. I can skip and hop and dance. My size is not limiting my actions, it is not limiting my health. I am beautiful and strong and lovely. I don't hate myself at 282 pounds, and I don't hate myself at 235pounds. My body is doing exactly what it should be. And how can I hate it for that?