Saturday, September 22, 2012
So I'm closing in on my fourth anniversary here on Sparkpeople, and just this last week I had my 27th birthday! It was very, VERY different compared to my 23rd birthday, just days before joining SP, not the least because I am now living with my boyfriend and I'm ~96 lbs lighter than I was when I started. I still have about 50 to 60 lbs more that I want to lose.
So it turns out that I haven't gone clothes shopping in three years, and I've managed to maintain my 90+ lb lost during that time but haven't succeeded in pushing it any further (until just recently, moving out of my parent's house I've managed to lose about 5 lbs and I'm working to keep it going). I kept telling myself I would buy new clothes when I had lost more weight, and then as time went on and I didn't lose more weight I told myself I'd buy new clothes when I had the money, and that didn't happen either lol.
So the majority of my clothes are beginning to wear out, with holes and loose threads and baggy jeans that fit me when I bought them but are now falling off my hips if I don't wear a belt (gotta love how that happens when the number doesn't move but your still shrinking out of your clothes, right?).
So Josh offered to take me clothes shopping on my birthday, and I was really hesitant. Years of growing up with bad BAD experiences in the clothes stores, especially for jeans, have left me (possibly) permanently scarred against the chore of walking into a store, finding something that fits, and being able to pay for it. But he assures me that he'll do anything he can to make it a good experience. So we went to our local Kohl's.
Finding jeans wasn't hard at all, and I giggled when I found the "Amanda" brand jeans ("Hey Josh, these jeans have my name on them!") but went with Levi because I prefer the boot cut to them and they make my thunder thighs look more slender. I was bummed when it was apparent that I still fit into a size 12 according to Levi, though at Old Navy I fit easily into a 10, go figure. "Oh well," I think, "that'll change soon enough."
Then Josh points out that I need new shirts.
We start going from department to department, trying to find shirts in my size and in a style I could see myself wearing, and I was shocked to find that I no longer fit into the Women's or Misses clothes! They're way too big and many of them look way "frumpy" on me, and Josh agreed. So I dared to walk into the Juniors section...
When in the world did I get small enough to fit into the clothes in the Junior's section of a major department store?
Not only did we find several very cute blouses that fit me, but they were Petite Medium size! I've never been "Petite" in my life until now! And then Josh came up to me in the dressing room and handed a pretty green blouse over the door.
"Oh no, I can't wear that, it doesn't have sleeves." I say.
"You sure? I saw it and thought you'd look really good in it."
So I hesitatingly try on this blouse, and I'm floored. I'm wearing a sleeveless, slinky green top, and I look fantastic in it. Josh's eyes bug out of his head when I walk out and show it to him, and he ended up getting it for me as a birthday present, to go along with the earrings he got me back at the Strawberry Festival.
I'm realizing more and more that I still have this mental image of a girl who is much bigger than I am in my mind, and that while the scale still says "200" that doesn't mean I'm fat. Far from it. I do still want to be between 160 and 140 by the time I reach my 30th birthday, but that's because I want to start a family by then and I don't want my weight to be a health risk for me or the baby.