Saturday, September 22, 2012
I am sitting in my bed ,after having a slice of toast with butter,my 10th slice and feeling sorry for myself.I ate an apple in the morning and bran flakes with skim milk followed by another apple and 4 slices of bread with jam and tea.then I had two more slices of toast and another apple and youghurt with more bran flakes.later for dinner I had a full plate of rice with veggies and chutney sauce and later another 4 slices of toast and cool drink.
What is wrong with this picture? I was bored and kept flipping through the tv channels.I am also anxious about meetings I have to prapare for in the upcoming week.I have to travel for work and I hate it.This past Friday I went to an interview for which I must have failed because I couldnt answer a third of the questions,I mumbled through some answers despite the interviewers' best efforts to give me hints to the answers.Last week I ate half of my son's birthday cake and so the whole week followed with a domino effect of bad eating. My hubby also found out that he has to take better care of his health or be on chronic medication for life.I am trying to be strong and he is kinda in denial.
I identify the triggers of my bad eating but why can I not stop eating. I feel like someone should give me a sleeping pill that will make me sleep through what I am presently going through and wake me up when things are looking rosier.
I can sense some self doubt going through my head and I feel worthless and doubtful that I deserve to be or that am meant to be slimmer.I feel like such a failure.Can I suceed at this journey? Is there a point where I can fully say I can fully come out of this victorious?
I have read people's spar pages for motivation and nothing seems to work.