I have been on Spark off and on since 2009. I had to let go of a lot of success/failure, and the past is the past. So this journey that I am on started on March 20th of 2012. I started the journey at 262 pounds. Not my highest weight of 272, but pretty close to it. Since March 20th, I have gotten down to 222 (as of this morning, that isn't getting officially tracked until Wednesday though, so we will see what happens and I can celebrate a total of 50 pounds down for the first time ever). 40 pounds in 6 months I feel is a respectable amount. It isn't some mind blowing amount of weight for that time frame, but I am proud just the same. Slow and steady wins the race.
So this time is outstanding because...
I have NEVER gone more than 4 months without quitting. Currently 6 Months in, I have already blown that out of the water!
I have NEVER gotten to the 50 pound lost mark EVER. 40 pounds lost, 42 maybe even 44 pounds lost, but never the 50 mark. I should be celebrating that by next Wednesday.
I have NEVER truly believed that I would get to my goal weight in the past, but this time I KNOW I'm going to get there. I can picture myself at that weight, I feel like it is so close that I can almost touch it, despite it being about 42ish pounds away.
I have NEVER thought about how I was going to maintain in the past. This time, I am already thinking of what I will do to maintain and it's basically the same thing I am doing to lose the weight. This makes me happy.
NSV of the day:
Wearing the beautiful ring my mom got me at least 7 Christmases ago. It finally fits again and I'm a happy girl.
For the select lovely ladies requesting more info on my status about the boy... it is still too soon to tell. I don't want to get all gushy on here just to write back in a week that my heart was stomped on are anything, but here is the overview.
*I met this boy 4 years ago, we went on one date and never went out again. However we have kept in contact and have been chatting/texting buddies 4 years later.
*He has been trying to hang out with me for 2 years, but I just wouldn't go. It was nothing to do with him, it was strictly me and my self consciousness. With that said, I will explain to you all WHY that was, under one condition. I do not want any lecturing about this issue. I don't want to hear "self esteem and self confidence has to come from within you, and it has nothing to do with weight" or "if you don't love yourself, how can anyone else love you." Those comments will be deleted on the spot, and you will see why...
Here is what it was. He was once very overweight and he isn't anymore but he is very understanding of my weight "issue". When I met him 4 years ago, I was probably like 210ish. These last 2 years, when he was trying to hang out with me I was anywhere from 250-272. I mentioned to him I had gained a LOT of weight since he last saw me, and he said he didn't care. In fact, I know he didn't care, but I held myself back because I just felt so defeated and couldn't bare the thought of facing him at an even higher weight. I said I don't need the lecturing, because I have been working a LOT on my self confidence, self esteem and my life in general. I am a different person than I was the last 2 years and while it is still a work in progress, I am doing a lot better in all those areas. I am doing my best to understand that I am a pretty groovy chick, weight issues or not... but 2 years ago I was not able to separate weight from self worth. I still have my moments, but I have come leaps and bounds in separating those two things. So that was why I really don't need to hear it LOL.
That said, getting back down in the 220's, but MORE IMPORTANT than the number on the scale was me working on my self and my self confidence, I felt that I could see him and put my best foot forward.
So needless to say I hung out with him last Wednesday and Thursday and we had a lot of fun. I have not seen him this week and I'm a little bummed, but we each work 12 hour shifts, and on top of it we are currently exact opposites. I am working 5pm to 5am and he is working 430 am to 5pm. So it's definitely not ideal. I also have set days off and he doesn't and he works a lot of over time. We also don't live super close, we live maybe 35ish miles apart and if it's a time where there is traffic it can take a very long time to get over there. His job is very physically exhausting and he is not a good texter. He's just not and he hasn't been a very good texter in the past. But he is definitely making an effort and we aren't in contact everyday yet, but he is getting better.
I just don't want to get my hopes up, because it's a weird situation. It's hard because I feel like I've known him so long, and while it's partially true, it's still a very different situation because we only truly hung out that once many years ago, so it's still "new" in that regards.
Anyways, I am really opening up here and putting myself out there, and hopefully this won't have to be followed up with a blog where I get my heart clobbered. *Fingers crossed*