Thursday, September 20, 2012
5. What is your weight history like? How old where you when you first 'went on a diet'? Have you lost and regained? How is this time different from others?
It feels like I've been trying to lose weight forever. I was a normal sized kid, but when puberty hit I was not mentally prepared for curves. I found myself feeling overweight and different, uncomfortable. I have a younger sister who is a few inches shorter than me and until recent years has always been smaller, the cute one for her tinyness. If she was tiny I was big, ah the insecurities of youth. Looking back on photos I realize I was still a normal average sized teenager. I found I loved exercise in my early 20s and that changed the shape of my body which I liked. I was working 3 or 4 jobs going to school and living it up. When I settled into adulthood and my first sedentary desk job where I made a salary that allowed luxuries like take out and frozen dinners the weight started to stealthily creep on. My annual doctor's visit told me the number was going up, but I didn't understand I was doing it to myself. In the years leading up to this point I had tried any variety of things to lose weight that wasn't there, but pictures from a vacation told another story. It was time to get serious. So I did. I lost about 20 or so pounds gained some muscle and looked pretty great, got stalled, regained, restarted, lost, gained, lost some more, lost my job got to my highest weight ever, found a job that encourages health and positivity was able to get a good start through a medically supervised program, returned to weight watchers, returned to running, returned to lifting weights. Learned about eating clean, watched documentaries about food and where it comes from, changed my perceptions. Changed my mindset, changed my life.
This time is different because unlike the other times I'm not trying to get to a number and then thinking I'm done. It's not a size of clothing either. Each time I reach a goal I have new goals to take their place. They aren't always related to the scale or the size. I want to be better stronger faster, do one more pushup, be able to carry all the groceries on one arm. I reward myself regularly but only with things that will further the journey not harm it.
I think of this quote often because all these things are important:
"If it's important to you you will find a way if it's not you will find an excuse." and I ask myself, is it important.