I ramped up my exercise around August 1. My sister and I started walking/jogging about an hour a day (sometimes more), 6-7 days/week, and by the end of the month, my hip was really hurting. At my annual, my doctor warned me it could be serious (stress fracture, etc) and scared me into taking a break from exercise to see if it heals. After about 2 weeks of *much less* exercise (although I didn't totally stop walking), it was still aching a lot, so I saw an orthopedic doctor yesterday. He diagnosed me with bursitis, and referred me to a specialist. The specialist today also diagnosed me with gluteus medius syndrome, which is usually a grade 1 or grade 2 strain of the tendon attaching the gluteus medius muscle (over the outer hip) to the femur. The doctor suggested that the damage to my left hip may be due to the fact that my right hip muscles are weak, so the left may be overcompensating. He prescribed an anti-inflammatory and physical therapy for the next 4-6 weeks. My first appt is in two days! I hope I learn a lot of ways to strengthen up, stretch better, heal well, and prevent this from happening again in the future!
After the breakup with my ex-BF last month, I've been gaining a lot of perspective. Looking back, I am getting to a place where I am feeling grateful for the relationship and yet accepting of the fact that it needed to end. I learned a lot about how to be in a long-term relationship (at 11 months, it was my longest), as well as some of the qualities I do and don't want in a partner, and how I deserve to be treated. That said, I'm now diving head first into the choppy dating waters again! Woo, boy, it's exciting to be meeting new people and putting myself out there!
I've been thinking a little about the fear of scarcity, and how it affects my life. I grew up very poor, and I remember feeling like there was never enough money - to buy decent clothes, or to fit in with my classmates who lived in the nicer neighborhood, or to know that the bills would get paid and my parents wouldn't need to argue, or to allow my dad to spend time with me instead of working 24/7. Feeling scarcity around the issue of money seems to be associated with so much in my life - I find myself feeling guilty anytime I throw away even a bite of food (and turning down free food is SO HARD!!). Also, I have a hard time when I want or need to spend money on myself (like the $150 deductible I'm having to pay for my physical therapy, plus $25 copay per session - yikes!!). Why can't I prioritize myself and my health, when I can afford it? How much in savings do I need in order to feel safe? Will I ever feel safe enough, wealthy enough?
I know I need to shift my thinking. Money can't make me safe. It wouldn't have stopped my parents from arguing and healed their relationship. Having money now won't bring back those years of missing my dad's presence in my life. Money can't prevent injury, or find me a loving partner (beyond paying for an eHarmony membership), or make me happy. I want to shift my thinking to focus on the bounty of life. I have ENOUGH. Enough to buy what I need (including healthy food, and physical therapy!), enough to live comfortably, enough to save some for retirement. Can I focus on where I have enough? And more than just financially - can I see the bounty of love in my life, and in my own wholeness? Where I, personally, am enough? Where I have enough love, where I am loveable enough, as I am? I'm working on seeing the bounty rather than the scarcity in my life.