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Could use some input.. please read me..

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

There use to be a guy that wrote a blog and lost a bunch of weight, people said that he was inspirational and that what he had accomplished was amazing and to be commended. That fellow once upon a time weighed in at an amazing 534 pounds, life was less than peachy for him at a quarter of a ton. He fought his way down to a for him svelte 305 pounds at his lightest, I admired that guy myself if I am being honest, if you read this blog at all then you know I am that...Honest. Life happens sometimes and using that fact as an excuse is not how this guy gets down but I have to admit that when you are shoveling $hit against the tide it’s an exhausting task to say the least and that’s how this ride feels for this fine young lad at this current time in the story line.

I have had zero to no time to sit down and write this blog, or should I say that I had no desire to do so, when the stresses of life step in at times they can feel like trying to push boulders out of the sand with a popsicle stick.. yeah, like that. I have put on more than what I could call a considerable amount of weight since reaching that 305 pound mark, the weight crept up slowly and leveled off then it started creeping back on as I became less conscious of what I was putting into my body and I am currently paying for it in the way of about 75 or so pounds. Fuvkin A man, all that hard work and I am allowing it to pack back on, why? Focusing on me is not a luxury that I have right now but that has to change so I figured that perhaps a post on my blog could sway the direction for me back into something that is going to get me back into a groove.

Riding my bikes has not been happening, my daily calisthenics is but something that I use to do and my walks around the lake are non existent, this is starting to look a lot like what I had when I was 500 plus pounds and I will be completely honest with you it scares me. More than a few attempts to get back on track have faltered after only a couple weeks, at times its been days.. being unable to focus on me because of other things happening in my life are taking precedence frustrates me because I know that if this item on the list does not get attention the house of cards can easily fall behind that single card.

What do you do when you know what to do yet are unable to execute the task as it should be? The tools are there, the experience is there and the will is there yet the struggle feels so much harder than it ever has, if I knew the answer to that question I would not be in this situation.

I have to push forward, I need to make my health priority over everything else and I need to do it yesterday not next week or next month but how?... to be continued I suppose and I am going to try to get on and posting more often once again, if you have any suggestions or straight up reality check $hit, click that leave a comment button because I could use some fresh perspectives right about now.

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    I do it one step at a time, one decision at a time, and I really honest to God make it a priority. I know when my gym time will be. I use to find healthy recipes and plan out my meal for the week in addition to making the family's shopping list. I enlisted the help of my doctor. I enlisted the help of my husband. I told him that he has to exercise his wife daily, and that's the truth! Even when I don't feel like it and the time has gotten away from us, we take a walk as a family if we can't make it to the gym. I've had to get off the sugar wagon at least on week days because I felt like candy was something I was supposed to have after every meal - not so. One step at a time, one decision at a time, make it a priority and seriosly do it, get your support system together (look, you're doing it already!) and go for it.
    You know how good it feels to get there. Push through the pain for now. You know it gets better.
    1615 days ago
    I'm glad to see you back and glad you didn't wait until all the good was undone to get back on track. I'm back near my highest ever and completely disgusted with myself. I'm not really in a place to give advice except that when I'm doing well, I'm not asking the question: how can I do this. I just do it. I have to make a specific plan, and at the end of the day when I'm tired I look at the schedule and just do whatever is left, even if it means a short night sleep. Eventually my habits get better and I tackle things earlier so my sleep gets back to where it should.

    That's it. Who'd have thought that my key to progress would be a simple shoe company slogan. Ugh.
    1615 days ago
    com·pla·cent   [kuhm-pley-suhnt] adjective 1.pleased, especially with oneself or one's merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied:

    I too understand the struggle you are facing, having been where you were and being where you are now, personally I've concluded complacency is my number one downfall.

    I became so pleased with what I had done, it became easy to say I won't exercise today, I can enjoy this food in moderation, those moments turned into days, weeks, months. The pounds crept back on little by little until I was at a crisis point of weight re-gain.

    The toughest thing to face is that we will always need to be diligent in the battle. There are no breaks from it, therefore I truly believe that we shouldn't do to lose weight what we aren't willing to do to maintain it. For me personally I've concluded that I don't have the time nor do I want to be a gym rat (spending hours working out doesn't fit my schedule as a stay at home mom to a special needs child, and it led to burnout).

    Life is demanding, we're all busy, but we must also invest in ourselves (i.e. finding some me time). Instead of beating yourself up over not hiking around the lake, be proud of the 10 minute brisk walk around the neighborhood. No time for a 30 mile bike ride, make your 10 mile ride count. I'm sure you get the point.

    Wishing you great success!
    1616 days ago
    you keep talking about exhaustion and stresses and you if you haven't you need to see your doctor and get some blood work sound like me after i stopped taking my anti immunity drugs for my eyes i sounded same as you my doctor said everything in bloodwork looked good. so iI made sure i got enough sleep, I drank more water, I drank smoothies and took vitamins and exercised a little and walked 9 miles with my daughter to realize i was not as tired and exhausted as I thought what i was missing was exercise I was secretly telling myself I can't . Iwas in a bad place in my marriage at the time and I fixed that also . I worked on the stress etc and found I could I would . I work with two other girls and they are best friends ,it was taking its tole why because I let it. Don't be like me , MOVE IT!! Help yourself . May the rest of your life be filled with joy .You can make it so. emoticon emoticon
    1617 days ago
    I think sometimes when you are on this "journey" (I hate the term, but don't know wtf else to call it) it just seems like it's neverending. I realize it's not supposed to end, but sometimes I just want to be at the weight where I am maintaining. When you have been doing this for so long sometimes you just don't want to anymore. I find myself feeling defiant about counting calories. Sometimes I am so damn sick of not being able to just live like a normal person. They don't get how easily the weight comes back on, even when you work your ass off. It's so hard. I understand. I think you should go back to basics, start with doing some workouts, but don't try to kill yourself all at once. Count your calories, drink your water and get on here for support.
    1618 days ago
    man oh man look at all the comments/feedback you got from this blog
    that's proof you can have all the cyber-support you need
    but where's your wife in all this this? you know the buddy system is the best to keep you on the up and up instead of the backslide.
    I'm hoping the impending Autumn weather will seduce you back to riding, and as for baby steps just 2 lbs a month is real easy, just get started is all
    and read all the responses and use the great advice offered
    1621 days ago
  • NATALIE1964
    This battle is 90% in the head .
    Plan you attack and when fighting day comes , just do it.
    That's exactly what I did, and this time around I added a twist...
    I track my food AND I started weighing myself each morning. I know not everyone agrees but, I can now observe my loosing pattern which is like shark teeth. I have found I get less discouraged this way as opposed to weighing once a week.
    I'm loosing a lot slower this time around, but I'm getting a little more healthy everyday.. keep on keeping! ;-)

    1622 days ago
  • _BABE_
    Everyone here is giving a lot of good advice so I don't need to be redundant....besides we all know you know how to lose weight. Some are even kicking your butt which may be what you need but I am here to say it happens to the best of us.

    I understand the complete frustration that comes with back's incomprehensible how one could let it happen but we do because life happens. I read your introduction, you are a guy who used to crave exercise not dream about donuts...where did he go and why is the old guy back...the one who got himself up to 500 lbs.

    You have had a taste of how good it feels to be walking through this world with ease....get it back and know that you can do it and you will do it..... just don't quit emoticon .
    1622 days ago
    I agree with FITMARY - babysteps, but do SOMETHING every day.
    Stop buying junk food - just don't have it in the house.
    Don't go to fast food joints. Ever.
    If you need to eat while away from home, prepare sandwiches, or something filling and healthy and have it with you all the time.
    Don't drive if you can walk
    Pretend you are a thin person, start to live, eat and act like the thin person you are going to become.

    Yes, it means re-organising your entire life - but being seriously obese also means that.
    Wouldn't you do all that for someone you love? Of course you would.
    So do it for your dear self!
    1622 days ago
    Although I do agree with those who posted about starting with baby steps, I also feel strongly (as a couple of others did) that you have to stop throwing yourself a pity party and you need kick yourself in the proverbial butt................And those two suggestions can work together............I also believe (as someone else suggested) that going to see a therapist could help. There's a lot more going on here than your relationship with food. Above all, you need to visualize yourself living the life you want to live and take those positive steps so you're heading in the right direction.......slow and steady wins the race. We're all here for you, so go onand make it happen ! emoticon
    1622 days ago
    Just start today with small steps -- 10 min of exercise at a time when you can and small changes in your eating--no sodas. One small action can often give us the boost we need!

    Thinking of you.
    1622 days ago
    The only advice I can give you (and should take is as well) Is never give up!! Just keep pushing day in and day out!! You know what needs to be done so just do it and stop making excuses! I am tired, I have other stuff more important to do today... Nothing is as important as your health is right now and always!! So get out for a walk take a bike ride! Just do it!!! Baby steps.. and that first step is always the hardest but you (and I ) can do it!!
    1622 days ago
    Hey Tony, I am THERE in many ways with your struggle. There's no denying how terribly difficult this spot is. Let me share 3 thoughts:


    2) I scare the heck outta myself with the NEGATIVE consequences of keeping on with the bad habits but ALSO remind myself of the POSITIVE consequences of making the changes I know I gotta make if I'm going to survive with any quality of life. (remind yourself of that terrific feeling of whipping along on your bike!)

    3) Sometimes we've got too many thoughts, experiences, memories, whathaveyou to sort it out by ourselves and a good therapist can be a GODSEND in helping us to pull ourselves through it all.

    I'm with everyone else here rootin' for you!

    1622 days ago
  • BILL60
    Quit whining about how hard it is. You and I both know how hard it is. Just get off your proverbial ass and do something about it. I personally get tired of hearing wimpy folks say; "But it's so hard. I don't think that I can do it". You got yourself into the mess and only you can get yourself out of that same mess. So, quit feeling sorry for your sorry ass and do something about it. I too have been known to be brutally honest. I honestly hope that you can turn yourself around.
    1622 days ago
    Go back to baby steps! The thing that always works for me is to promise to do "just 10 minutes" of exercise every day. Everyone has "just 10 minutes" so there are no excuses! And, of course, once you get started, you'll often keep going. And that's great! But you don't "have" to do any more than "just 10 minutes."
    1622 days ago
  • IONA72
    Despite the fact that you think its all going are here talking about it and that is a step in the right you have already started the turnaround.
    Like Komier1 says hydrate, veggies and sleep are the basics to continue the journey in the direction you want to go. Stay strong, set small goals each day and keep us posted
    1622 days ago
    A couple of thoughts...when you are on the plane ready to take off and the flight attendant gives her talk about putting your own O2 mask on before helping others, even your own child...remember that. You have to do what you need to do for yourself before helping anyone else or you will end up helping no one including yourself.

    For many, myself included, a great deal of shame can be felt after being very successful and then starting a downhill slide. If you're feeling shame, anger, embarrassment, forgive yourself, stop the negative talk and do what you just did... reach out for help, talk about it and know weight loss is never a straight path. There will always be those down times when we don't do so well. I give you a big thumbs up for having the courage to write the blog you just did.

    Check out Beth Donovan's (Indy Girl) spark page. She started at 460 lbs and you may find some inspiration in her story.

    Tomorrow, set one teeny, tiny goal and only one, focus on accomplishing that one goal before you set another one. This may help you get started again. Baby steps, baby steps until you get yourself up and going again and you will do that.

    And finally, this little rhyme was given to me by a weight watchers leader many years ago. When I'm off track, I read it and this part is very meaningful to me because it IS so true:
    To stumble and fall is NOT a disgrace if you summon the will to get back in the race.
    But, often the struggler, when losing HIS grip, just throws in the towel and continues to slip. And learns too late when the damage is done that THE RACE WASN'T OVER, THEY STILL COULD HAVE WON!


    When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
    and you feel like the biggest failure in town.
    When you want to give up just because you gave in
    and forget all about being healthy and thin.

    SO WHAT! You went over your points a bit.
    It's your next move that counts, So don't
    you quit!
    It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change.
    It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
    It's telling yourself, You've done great up till now,
    you can take on this challenge and beat it somehow.

    It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.
    You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.
    To stumble and fall is not a disgrace
    if you summon the will to get back in the race.
    But, often the struggler, when losing their grip,
    just throws in the towel and continues to slip.
    And learns too late when the damage is done
    that the race wasn't over, they still could have won.

    Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
    but facing each challenge will help you grow.
    Success is failure turned inside out,
    the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
    When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit.
    If you bite it, you write it, BUT DON'T YOU QUIT!

    I'll be looking for future blogs. Linda
    1622 days ago
    I just came across this blog post and decided I'd put in my 2 cents worth.

    I've been through the plateaus, put some weight back on, etc. and I'll just say to you what I've said to myself:

    Get off your @ss and do what you KNOW you need to do. Track all of the food that goes into your mouth, force yourself up and get moving. Tell yourself that you'll walk (or whatever you can stand doing) for 5 minutes. Once you're moving, that 5 minutes will go by and you'll decide that you can do 5 more. 5 minutes becomes 10 and you know you can do 5 more and 5 more after that, after all you're already up, moving and sweating so why stop now. Fake it 'til you make it.

    You know there's no magic pill or silver bullet (unless you like Coors Light) so it's all up to you. Pass or fail, live or die, the outcome is on your shoulders alone.

    Now hopefully this comes across as a 'gut check' and I don't get flamed for being an a-hole. Just remember, you haven't failed as long as you're still trying.

    Best of luck to you on getting past this hurdle.
    1622 days ago
    I wish I had something insightful to say but I'm feeling lost myself. I also know what is needed for me to drop the weight but am struggling with following through. Know that you have a lot of people rooting for your success and a lot of haters waiting to be pissed off about it.
    1623 days ago
    Making time for you is not something that is optional.. but critical. If you aren't in your prime "zone" then everyone around you suffers. You may not be able to do a 60 minute ride but perhaps you can do shorter rides? Do you have an indoor trainer that you can use for even 10-15 minutes at a time? If you have time to sit on the couch you have time to get up and jog in place. Just a few ideas. Hugs to you, Rhonda
    1623 days ago
    The best advice I can give is to start small and get into good habits one at a time. That is key. You MUST be selfish and take time for yourself to take CARE of yourself or you won't be around for those who need you. Take it from a Mom and from someone who comes from a family where you always pitch in to help everyone else and you don't say no. Ever. I've learned to be assertive with my own health and demand my own time from my family for workouts. You CAN do this. You HAVE done this. Good luck!
    1623 days ago
    Ok i can say that we have all been where you are - but have we!!! No I've not been your 500 odd pound, but no I've not had the guts or the determination to lose 200 of pounds of it either.

    What I have had is *hite, coming from a dedicated family, a close family, all for one and one for all and to have that ripped apart by cancer, taking the one person in the world I could always rely on - the person who made made the world work and was the glue that held us all together without us even knowing it, then the in-fighting, the accusations, the mistrust, guilt and resentment that time was spent with one rather than the other as this person, this giant of a man took last painful breaths amongst upset and disharmony of the family he idolised.

    Having then to face the recriminations of the rest of the family after his death, how I didnt comfort a grieving widow in her time of need, having to explain myself and cope with my own unexpressed grief, anger and loss, that's what I've had and do you know what - IT SUCKS.

    IT sucks, it hurts and the place you are at now hurts... but what will hurt you more is your loved ones watching you be the giant of a man taking last painful breaths and knowing that YOU could have done something about it

    So you lost it - You put it on - AND!!!!!

    You can do it again - you know this, yeah and inspiration in the past, you can be and will be again. I dont know you - I've read you're blog .... and I BELIEVE in you
    ..... you're asking for help - the team are here - all of us - trust and start again, we'll be here, there will be ups and downs, we are all on the same journey, by helping you I'm helping myself - I'm asking you to help me, be an inspiration, show me hows its done, be that giant of a man that can survive, grow strong and live the best life can offer. Make a decision and start ~ Honey we are with you!!!!

    1623 days ago
    There are some awesome feedback comments here and I agree with VICKYMARIEC, it IS time for you to get honest with yourself. Going back to the very beginning - do you have an answer for what got you started in the first place? What was the catalyst and what motivated you to take that first painful (and secretive) walk around the block?
    Yes, you have all the tools, you did it once already. Well buddy - now its time to do it again. Find your drive and your reason for wanting to live a healthier and longer life.

    Oh yeah, I also remember how you wrote about loving being a positive role model for your kids in the healthy living department... what do you think they would say today?
    Rabbi Hillel said (long, long time ago) " if I am not for myself, who will be for me, but if I am only for myself, what am I..." Only you can do what needs to be done for you, but the choices you make for yourself will have major and far reaching repercussions for all who surround you too.

    Anyway, just sayin...
    1623 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/18/2012 4:19:54 PM
    Thing is, you *know* what needs to be done, because *you* have done it before. All the techniques, all the knowledge is there, so it's not like the first time, when you had to figure all this crap out, spend time thinking about how to do what you realized you had to do to stop being the who you hated seeing in the mirror.

    So, in a way, though you've been sliding back towards that abyss, there are signs, and handholds, and other assistive devices that *you* put there, on your way up.

    Yeah, this comment isn't that reality check you were looking for, and isn't as cheerleader-y as some of the comments below (or is it above?). But it bears, and even requires repeating that the way forward isn't shrouded in the same darkness it might have been the first time you made that journey. You know what you need to do, here's to finding that (if you'll excuse the cliche) spark to light the dynamite to blow the crap out of the roadblock holding you in place right now.

    Look forward to reading about your Journey (part deux).
    1623 days ago
    You are not alone..I am starting over again after a 40lb weight gain..
    To me, the most important thing is honesty and admitting your not in control.I suggest you explore...find out what works for you..SP is the perfect place for you to be! Utilize the tools and many friends will succeed..Believe in yourself!
    1623 days ago
    How's you water and green tea intake? Maybe start there, for the rest of this week get your body re-hydrated. I swear getting the fluid intake in-line helps the food intake fall into place. What do they say.. that sometimes hunger is actually unrecognized thirst. Add in a few extra veggies with your meals and make sure you are sleeping well.

    Whenever I falter, I go back to the basics.. Water, veggies and sleep. When those 3 things are in place, the movement takes off on its own because I am hydrated, have the macronutrients my body needs and am well rested and then I WANT to move.

    Just a thought.

    1623 days ago
    My dude..first you get a emoticon

    I know how it feels to be on top of the world, dropping the poundage, feeling pretty darn good, feeling like you earned "it" and then gaining it back. Rumor has it according to my vlog (hehe I vlogged for the first time last week to make spark seem new for me) I am 11 pounds away from my all time high. Sucks a$$ cheeks.

    So you are right, of course you know what to do. But for some reason you just won't do it, or it doesn't stick for more than a few weeks. My advice is to keep at it until everything starts to stick. End of story. No one doesn't have success without failures and no one has success with giving up. You can feel sorry for yourself eating that carrot stick. The hope and the plan is that it will all come back.

    You know if you need these #'s, you can text me whenever you need a friend. We go WAY back like peanut butter and jelly, white on rice, crack to a crack fiend (ok not my best example but I know you "lol" to yourself.) You know what works and until you establish that habit, that routine, you have to make yourself do it every single day. And every single day will not work out as planned b/c you got a family. But that didn't stop you before, now did it??????


    And another thing...Not for nothing I saw a recent full body pic of myself and looked at some of my old slimmer pics I have on spark and you know I felt a certain way. I am just saying, the proof is always in the picture.
    1623 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/18/2012 3:31:19 PM
    Well! Vickie sure covered it! She's right.
    You know what to do and how to do it. Mentally, you have to be ready to get to business. If the heart isn't in it,either, then excuses block the way. So, look at your excuses: kids? take them with you for a walk. $$ for healthy food? that's not so easy, I know for a fact,but substiituing SOMETHING healthy for not healthy will be a plus. Get back to that green tea gallon each day!
    Blog again soon-no matter what! I LOVE reading your blogs! Someone else had a great idea about re-reading your past blogs...see that fire when the weight was coming off.
    Trust me-my username says it all: I've got lots of distractions and excuses around here. Hubby being one of them since he cannot see how paying MORE for something healthy is worth it. "Just eat less of the bad stuff." should work in his world. LOL!!!
    Love ya,Botzzz!!!
    1623 days ago
    I'm going to be please don't delete me as a Spark friend...

    You write that you KNOW what needs to be done and you have all the tools to do it with...but I really don't hear that drive in the tone of your blog. It's almost as if you are saying everything you think you should say, but with no real intention of actually doing anything. ..i'm being honest and that's what you need. You don't need sugar coated i'm being real with you. At some point...just like that 534lb need to wake the hell up and realize that you NEED..not want...but NEED to take time for yourself otherwise you won't be here any longer to even worry about it. I've read all of your blogs and you are a STRONG and inspirational man. You're human. We are going to slip up. But at some point you need to stand back up and keep fighting for yourself. What will it take? A heart attack? A stroke? Beat the odds and just do it. It's a job, not a luxery. Treat it as such. I know other things and sometimes people get in the way. BUT are the other things worth your life? Do these people care about you? If they do they'll make sure you get that time in. I sure hope you wake up from this stupor and get back into the game of life. Get back into fighting for you. Please don't stop blogging. When i stop blogging it's because i've walked away and don't want to confess to it. You've confessed...not stand the hell up and fight for your damn life man!

    1623 days ago
    I think anytime I've been really successful at weight loss there was some kind of "wake-up call" associated with the change. Sometimes we have to create our own wake-up call. Think of the top 5 reasons why you want to lose weight... what happens to those goals/dreams if you don't get to a healthier weight or keep gaining. For me the BIG # 1 goal is to watch my little girl grow up. If I don't lose the weight there is a very real chance that will be taken away from me. When I think about it that way it is a huge wake-up! You aren't any good to anyone else if you aren't at your best... Make YOU the priority and everything else will fall in place behind you. Good luck and keep asking for help when you need it!!
    1623 days ago
    Well I think you know this but I'll say it anyway. You aren't alone. We all experience exactly what you are talking about. All I can say is take it one day at a time and pick small things to change. Watch the little things add up.

    You can do this. We are all here to help. We know you can do it and I hope you do too.
    1623 days ago
  • KNH771
    There is a quote I like that I think applies to weight loss:

    "What you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while." Gretchen Rubin

    When I'm struggling, my first instinct is to try to do everything at once. Get the food right, get back to exercising a ton, etc. But that always ends up in frustration and burnout. What is most successful for me is to first, forgive myself. It's easy to be angry when you've "let yourself go" but you can't change it. Acknowledge it and move on.

    Then I try to pick one small thing to work on each day and build consistency. 10 minutes of exercise, no eating while watching TV, food journaling... whatever. Just one thing built into a habit again, then add one more thing, then one more, building back up to where you were.
    1623 days ago
    Nobody starts out wanting to kick their own butt, but if you want to get somewhere you've got do it anyways.
    I'm sure that 534 lb guy did not love exercising at first, either. But soon enough he became a self inflicting pain loving beast.
    You are stronger than you think you are. You can make yourself get started.
    1623 days ago
    To answer "What do you do when you know what to do yet are unable to execute the task as it should be?"
    You do it! Regroup, refocus and do it. Maybe you need to make a few adjustments here and there, but you can still take action.
    emoticon emoticon
    People constantly ask me how I lost all my weight and it is so hard to answer because the answer is so easy, yet so complicated at the same time. It boils down to focus. You mentioned "focusing on me is not a luxury that I have right now." But, I think focus is a necessity, not a luxury. I would argue we don't have the luxury NOT to focus on ourselves. We need to be at our best to handle the rest of what life hands us. Carry on sir, I know you can do it and I think you know you can do it, too. We ALL can.
    1623 days ago
    I think you already know what you have to do (you know you need to focus on you, you know that you're falling behind and you know that it sucks to regain especially with losing weight being the hard part).

    I think you need an extra set or hand and a couple extra hours each day - you don't specify what's taken the lead but how about combing a few things: walk the lake with the kids (no it won't be as fast but something is better then nothing and it helps with their habits at an early age). Give up evening TV (I get that work may leave you brain dumb and exhausted but walking or biking post dinner will give you energy again and help you sleep so then next day is better).

    I'm stuck in the same sort of rut and looking at it spelled out it looks so easy - but we all know it isn't. If you're feeling trapped by commitments: you'll need to start saying no, if it's family: they can live without you for an hour (especially if you consider the alternative).

    You can find your spark and you will.. Start small once more - pedometer and how many oz of water can I drink today. Take a hard look at what pre-packaged foods have snuck back into your cupboard and start with easy substitutions.

    Also - consider re-reading your earlier blogs: they may inspire you once more.
    1623 days ago
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