Tuesday, September 18, 2012
First of all, the weight loss is going great. I am sticking to my plan, despite a couple of slips. I am determined to see this through, it helps knowing that I have to face my doctors. One thing at a time ya know.
I am facing a tough decision, one that I am not ready for, one that terrifies me. I have decided to take a medical leave from work. It is not fair to them that I keep calling in, but I can't do it anymore, the pain is too much. I can't help but feel like a complete failure. To be honest, I don't know how I am going to survive financially, how my family is going to survive financially. We are in the Lords hands, but I admit that I am struggling to trust right now. With this decision, I have no intention of wasting time. I am going to throw myself into school, losing weight, getting healthier. Hopefully, things will either level off and I will be able to go back sooner than later or it will not take long for me to get a job that will be more suited to my needs. It feels like this carousel is spinning out of control right now and I am just hanging on for dear life and trying not to fly off. I need to trust, I know that I need to trust, but everything about this scares me to death.
Lord, help me. I am so tired of this. Sigh.