I DID IT!!!! I'm so proud of myself!
Monday, September 17, 2012
I DID IT!!!!! I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge!!!!
I am TERRIFIED of Bridges and my TNT higher ups planned a Marathon Preview in SF...makes sense since that is where we are running in 1 month!!! Well I was trying for weeks to mentally prepare myself and the week before the run I had decided I just couldn't run the preview. The run that week had involved a short run over a small bridge and I started having a panic attack in the middle of the bridge. I was a little upset that I had allowed myself get so upset...but I was able to cross the bridge twice and didn't go into full blown panic attack. So the thought of crossing the Golden Gate the very next week was mind blowing! I couldn't even make a bridge that was maybe 150 yards long and not far off the water how on earth was I going to live through almost 2 miles long and almost 700 over the water bridge!?!?! So after talking to my coaches and feeling the panic in my chest just talking about it I decided I was prob. NOT going to do that training.
This is my year to grow, heal and do things that scare me...I'm not talking like Sky Diving (I want to do that too but not this year lol) but fitness wise. Considering this time last year I was 100% couch potato, I've faced a lot of scary things lol. Going to the gym and turning purple in front of people was the first step....deciding I wanted to learn how to run was another...Joining Team in Training and talking about my past history with Cancer...deciding to run a 1/2....the list keeps going and going lol.
I kept thinking about how can I get past this? My teammates were so awesome, I had one offer to let me close my eyes and put my hands on his shoulders and he would lead me across... I joked about finding someone to give me a sedative and carry me across, I was going to wear headphones and listen to music to focus on even though that's a big NO NO in training. I threw my hands up... I JUST COULDN'T do it! I went to bed and prayed for an answer, for strength...FOR ANYTHING!!!! I woke up the next morning and I was like I AM GOING TO DO THIS!! I Will be just fine. I WILL make it across...I WILL do this or I can NEVER live with myself. I have worked too hard, I have faced too many of my fears. I have already overcome so many things and if I chickened out over this I would be so upset with myself. So I took a deep breath and I decided I was going to be at training. I emailed my team and let them know I was going to be there.
The morning of the run I was up at 4:30am to get the rest of my gear ready and catch my ride. We met the rest of the carpool/caravan and I was in a SUPER GOOD mood! My head and heart were free and happy. I felt so good. I was ready! The picture above are my "Team 16" or my girls. So when I talk about "MY GIRLS" you can see who they are. They rode down with us and we had such a great ride.
We got to our meeting area the Sausalito side of the GG Bride and the nerves started to set in. Not bad, I could still laugh and smile...I just WOULD NOT look at the bridge lol. Like somehow not looking at it would make it better HA HA!!! I'm so silly like that! I get geared up and off to our meeting spot. I'm still feeling good. It's a BEAUTIFUL morning! We watched the sun rise over the bay, the weather was gorgeous, no wind, no fog..ok a little fog but it was high and not "San Francisco" standard fog. We started our run...and I couldn't get my legs to run...walking took effort and they felt a combo of jello/ and lead! My girls are so great we chatted and took pictures and laughed and joked...NO ONE was upset that we STILL weren't running. I had our team manager with us and she was such a great support too! Pretty soon we were on the bridge and I was out front lol. My mentor was holding my hand and I said can you feel me shaking? We walked hand in hand for some time and then I was OK again. She had flowers to release in honor of her grandparents who's ashes were released from the bridge too. So I stopped and even took a picture of her. And then my eye's were open! OH MY GOSH what an AMAZING view! The sun was rising over Alcatraz and the water was so calm. It was gorgeous, and I would have missed it if I stayed home and let my fear consume me! I still was a little nervous but I was ready to run, and run we did. I practically sprinted the last part of it. I crossed the pedestrian gate and I was so overcome with emotion that the tears just started flowing...my girls were close behind me and we had a huge group hug! It was FREAKING AMAZING!!! I had to stop and look at what we had just done.
This picture is beautiful but it doesn't show the full scale of the bridge. We continued our run and I felt wonderful, My prayer had been answered! The day was perfect, the weather was perfect and I had some of the most important people with me. Not only did I conquer my fear and crossed the bridge 2 times on foot but I had my longest run yet! 9 Miles!!!!