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Le Sigh

Monday, September 17, 2012

Well, I've gotta be honest. This day really kicked the crap out of me. I came off a terrible night of sleep, awful dreams about hurtful people from my past, woke up late. Ugh. Seriously considered skipping my swim this morning and sleeping more...but, as I said in my status, I've never missed a scheduled workout and I don't intend to start making excuses now. Especially since this morning's workout was supposed to be a run, but I'm protecting my tendon until it feels 100% perfect. So I got my butt up and went to the YMCA.

The swim was grueling. I am not even sure how I eeked out my regular 30 lengths in 30 minutes, but I managed to do it...and add on two more extra lengths in the last minute. It was hard. I suppose I powered through mainly because I was aware that there was an Ironman swimming in the lane next to me (my friend, Sue, who is currently training for her 3rd trip to Kona Ironman World Championships). It always helps to have a hero one lane over, whose mere presence makes you push yourself harder.

My body felt wonderful, but I got to work and the exhaustion returned. Perhaps it's the gloomy gray sky out my window or maybe the 40 or so e-mails that were begging for my attention or the pile of paperwork from last week on my desk that was waiting for me patiently and demanding action. Maybe it had something to do with my boss's quick visit, where she expressed frustration with some of our records (which are in my care and it's my job to keep). She would never point the finger at me to make me feel bad, but she is also under a lot of pressure. I don't have negative feelings against her, but I pretty much started out my day feeling disappointed in myself.

The minutes and hours ticked away and I worked and worked and now the work day is over and I still feel defeated. I feel immense pressure to comfort eat. I will really really try not to tonight.

I just want to go home, eat dinner, ice my ankle, take a hot shower, cuddle with some kiddos, go to bed and start fresh in the morning.

Sorry to be negative. Just one of those days. If you were standing in front of me, I'd totally ask you for a hug.
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