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    ZOLDOS11   4,206
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Depressing

Saturday, September 15, 2012

I feel like I have battling this bulge, so to speak, forever. I feel like I have a routine in place and SPLAT!!!....I fall right on my face. I can't stay motivated I find myself eating and don't even realize I have just at a whole can of planters pecans or that whole container of popcorn. I am so angry with myself. I feel disgusted, hate, depressed and on all that, with some current events going on right now, in my life, I am stressed. You and I would probably think being 340lbs with health issues would be enough motivation, but no..not me..no way. Why do I keep doing this? Makes me feel like I can't do anything, like I am a loser in life, in some way. I feel like people look at me and think that I just take up space on this earth or something. I want to get that motivation I have seen by some on here. I see people who have lost 100lbs or more, they make it look soooo easy, I know it wasn't, of course. :) My husband loves me I know, but I feel I am not being a good wife by being this way. I feel as if I have failed every single thing that I have wanted and tried to accomplish in life, this is just another line on the list. I was told once, by a therapist, that I was a compulsive quitter. She said that I started things just to quit them cause I felt I wasn't worth it or deserved it. I just wish I could wake up one morning and I would have the confidence, determination, willpower, motivation and love for myself to get it going.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JMOSESRN 9/21/2012 3:42AM

    I can identify SO MUCH with this post it has me in tears. The self loathing has to stop. Eating too much is unhealthy and it derails our goals. It doesn't Ame us " disgusting ". It doesn't mean we are total failures. Every day is another chance to learn from our mistakes and do better. Falling off the wagon is discouraging but it doesn't mean a damned thing unless we turn our backs and walk away defeated. Thank you so much for sharing this. Have a happy healthy day. emoticon

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JMOSESRN 9/21/2012 3:38AM

    I can identify SO MUCH with this post it has me in tears. The self loathing has to stop. Eating too much is unhealthy and it derails our goals. It doesn't make us " disgusting ". It doesn't mean we are total failures. Every day is another chance to learn from our mistakes and do better. Falling off the wagon is discouraging but it doesn't mean a damned thing unless we turn our backs and walk away defeated. Thank you so much for sharing this. Have a happy healthy day. emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/21/2012 3:40:12 AM

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ZOLDOS11 9/15/2012 4:09PM

    I am certainly an emotional eater. I have had a lot of bad things happen in my past, which I am sure many on here have and it prob the cause of their eating habits too. Thank you Pomatojuice, love the name :) I will look into the spark eating plan a little more. I did see where they also do the shopping list for you and all you have to do is print it out. That will certainly help. Thank you both for the great advice and positivity.

Comment edited on: 9/15/2012 4:09:39 PM

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GLINDAGOODWITCH 9/15/2012 1:39PM

    (((((( emoticon )))))))

I do the same exact thing. I binge on something then I feel disgust and failure. Just recently I have learned about distracted eating. With this term in mind it has helped me to put things in a different perspective. The term "Distracted eating" has helped me to think of things that I can do to change it. Like, turn off the t.v., eat at the table with no distractions, NEVER eat in front of the computer, NEVER eat in my room. This term is easier to find solutions. As opposed to "I am a compulsive eater" or "I am an emotional eater" These to subjects need to be delved into deeper because emotions and compulsions are complex subjects. Now think about it, which one of these terms can you think of solutions right off the top of your head? Distractions, emotions, or compulsive?

I hope this helps.

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POMATOJUICE 9/15/2012 9:45AM

    There's something you can do for yourself that doesn't require vast ammounts of willpower. It doesn't take a ton of motivation, and you can do it by yourself and alone where you don't have to worry about confidence. What is it?

Make a plan! If you want something badly, and you want to do whatever it takes to get there, the very first and most important thing you should do is figure out how to get there before you even start.

I'm not sure what plans you were following before, or what health problems you may have that need special solutions, but there are groups here on spark for people who have everything from PCOS to diabetes to thyroid problems!

Without getting too existential, everyone deserves a chance to be happy, but it sometimes takes harder work for some people than others.

If you aren't sure where to start, the Spark diet plan is a good leaping board for small, healthy changes you can make in your life. If you start tracking and know exactly what you are eating vs what you should be eating, you can set a plan in motion. It all starts with the plan!

It's like grocery shopping in a way. I make a list, and I do my best to stick to it. If it's not on the list, I don't buy it. A food plan is like that. If you figure out, say.. base calories you should be eating, you can plan your meals and the times you may want to eat. You can figure out what you can allow yourself for snacks, and once that plan is in place and the cravings start, you can say "I plan to have *this*, but I CHOOSE not to eat *that*" If controlling portions is tough for you, a smart investment would be a food scale.

When I started this, I chose not to purchase things in big bags or containers that might tempt me to overeat. As things slowly got a little easier, I chose not to buy those kinds of things anyway because of the nutrition content. Now, I'm not afraid to buy things that have multiple servings in one package because I can measure out one serving in a bowl and stick to that.

There are so many other little tricks, too. You have amazing resources here at spark. The good& exercise plans are only a small part of it. This whole community is here, too!

This is all stuff you can do! You are the only person stopping yourself. You can't wait until it suddenly happens, you have to grab it for yourself and stubbornly hold onto it. You can make it happen for yourself, but you have to take an active role in your own wellbeing. I know what it's like to be where you are. To sit there, incredibly unhappy and depressed, wondering what day I'll suddenly wake up and everything will click. I had said "enough is enough," many times, but really, it wasn't until I decided for myself that I was going to make a plan and do it that things started to "click." It didn't happen on it's own. I made it happen, and you can too.

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