Thursday, September 13, 2012
Yeah, so much for regular exercise.
Work finally did me in. I've joked for months that I was slowly driving myself into the ground. End of August my allergies kicked in, I felt a bit ill, kept working. Got a cough, kept working all my long shifts.
Told everyone what would be the point of calling out when I've have to come back in the next six days anyway. Might as well work myself to death and get a week when I snapped.
So I did. Not on purpose, but I ran myself into the ground. Worked until I couldn't breathe but for coughing on customers, and sweating just walking in.
Went to the ER. Bronchitis. Waited all week for the meds to work. Still nothing. Follow up with the doctor. Yep, wrong meds. It's not baterial, it's viral. So three more days at home, taking two types of cough medicine and an inhaler and hoping for the best.
I'm back at work now, but my breathing is still too rough for exercise beyond walking from register to cash office, and my cough still keeps me up at night. Probably would heal better if not for the nine hour shifts, but what can you do. Can't avoid work forever. Need the money, need the job.
So I'm wheezy. Up and down, back and forth. Weight shifting around, but not dropping. A very long week.
Hopefully I'll soon be able to start back to my training schedule. Sept 5th was the new round of Insanity, but obviously I didn't.
Bought a belly dancing dvd, might go there first until I get my breathing back. And hopefully it'll be soon.
Only just over 100 days til WHSTHEPRETTYGRL's birthday and the short term goals we set ourselves.
I know she'll make it, of course. But I'm starting to doubt myself. As per usual. Maybe I was too ambitious. Maybe I should have planned smaller, knowing how tough it was going to be to break the 247 plateau for once. This is the third time I'm gotten stuck here, and everytime I do, I hoverand hover before I get distracted and next thing I know- BAM. I;m completely off track, focused on some other life challenge and gaining again.
If I can get to just 240 I'll be happy. 230 will be nice. But 220 might have been a bit much to do by the end of the year.
Or maybe it's better for me to have set an improbable goal. Maybe she will push me. Maybe I need it. (Side note: I'm not sure if I should really even say these things now that CB is on Sparkpeople, but I hope this open vulnerability doesn't bother her too much and she can ignore what she must.) Pushing to get in shape. Pushing to get a new job. Pushing to move out and get a new place with her. Chnage is good. I need some. Maybe change will help with all of this.
I feel so depressed. No, not depressed. It's a funk. A rut. I'm turning my wheels in the mud, terrified to gun it and whip out, terrified to keep spinning and dig myself in deeper.
Time to start running. Get the blood pumping.
Just need to be able to breathe again first.