Wednesday, September 12, 2012
It looks like I'm about to get more exercise than I hoped for. Yesterday I went to the HR department of the post office and pretty much begged for any help I could get to keep my job. Thankfully I met with one of the sweetest women. She gave my number to a guy in the department who hires carriers. He gave me a call back today and apologized that our paperwork had gotten mixed up.
So if this paperwork is approved (my driving record) and I can pass my test I will be a carrier right by my house :) In fact, from what it sounded like, one day a week my house will be on my route.
That means I'm going to be walking. YAY!
In the rain a lot. YAY!
And home just in time for dinner with the kiddos... which is kind of a bummer because I've liked being a stay at home mom. I'm hoping when I talk to them that I can be approved to work part time instead of full time. But at this time I'll take what I can get.
The funny thing is, last nigh I was laying down with Josh in bed just venting. I told him I felt like he just assumed that if it didnt' have to deal with his job, it was my responsibility.
Dinner, my responsibility.
School events, taking kids to school, getting kids from school, my responsibility.
Making sure our house was presentable, not just clean enough for today, my responsibility.
Making sure the kids were happy, my responsibility.
I told him when things fail in our house, I feel it's all on me.
And I know he takes on a lot of responsibilities but when things fail, he doesn't seem to be as sad about it as I am.
And he agreed with me.
He said he's always just understood that when we're together things will be fine. But didn't realize how much of that is because I refuse for things to not be fine.
But I said I felt like I was crumbling and felt like I was getting nowhere as the peace keeper in our house and the less people help me or comfort me, the faster I'm going to go back to being the Laura I hated, suicidal, uncaring, sad, and a failure.
So this morning I took the kids to school, assumed nothing would change. When I got home he was up and apologized that he didn't set his alarm. Then we had breakfast together, he went to work, I got the call from the post office.
This time yesterday I was crying in my car. I told God that I knew he had a plan for me, Josh, and the boys. I knew I was supposed to be patient because faith is knowing without seeing. But sometimes its just nice to get a little hint of it's gong to be ok. I guess I asked a day too early.
Praying this carrier position is accepted. And if it is, I have to figure out how I'm going to tell the two people that have been waiting for the post office to change its rules to swap with me that I can't be part of their swap anymore. I feel guilty but I have to do what I have to do for my family. And hopefully they understand.