(Yes, I have to post the song, because why should I be the only one with Patti stuck in my head?)
I am so sick of beating myself up about my little slippin' and backslidin' and stuff. My first thought was to just give up on this "dieting" thing and just be fat and find some way to accept myself as I am, because I can't do this, I can't seem to get it up to work out, I can't do it RIGHT, I can't blah blah lies blah blah negative self-talk blah blah mean things blah blah I suck blah blah blah blah BLAH.
I'm SICK of it. I'm not doing this to myself anymore. I am not telling myself I am a failure, because there IS NO FINISH LINE HERE. This isn't some short-term thing I need to do RIGHT or PERFECTLY or it means I LOST and FAILED.
This is a LIFESTYLE CHANGE and change is PAINFUL and SLOW for me, and it's not going to be an automatic overnight thing where I wake up craving Kale and hating chocolate cake.
I'm dusting myself off again, not beating myself up for needing to pick myself back up AGAIN, and I'm taking all kinds of accusatory tone out of the word "again". I'm glad I get so many chances, it means I'm still alive.
YAY! I'm dusting myself off again! Yay! I have another chance to get healthier! Yay! I know positive habits build on smaller positive habits! Yay! I can start with small small changes!! Yay!! I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be nice to myself, drink a lot of water, move my body -- maybe by dancing -- and I get to eat really wholesome tasty things instead of chemical laden crap that doesn't nourish me! YAY! Yay! I did 10 squats at the copier and I'm going to jump rope for five embarassingly silly sweaty minutes!
My choice to change my lifestyle is NOT because I suck and I'm fat and therefore must be punished. My choice to change my lifestyle is because I DESERVE TO BE HEALTHY and STRONG so I can FULLY live my life without hindrance! I WANT more LIFE!
LIFE is not found in sweet treats that make me moan with joy...although they are a LOVELY part of life, they don't REPLACE what it is I truly WANT. Which is MORE LIFE. More exploring, more performing, more creating, more laughing, more travelling, more meals outside without worrying about being sleevless or sweaty -- just MORE LIFE.
I want more life, so I want to eat more life- supporting food. I want to move more so my body can do more. It's as simple as that. It's all about attitude.