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A (VERY) Brief Reminder to Myself of How Far I've Come

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I don't really count this as a blog update (I'm at school and I have like...5 minutes, haha). But I want to post this to remind myself of just how FAR I have come in the past year and a half. While I may be struggling to get completely back on my feet, I know if there's one thing holding me back from getting back to where I was it's myself. I am SO hard on myself. For example, my boyfriend is very complimentary, yet every time he tells me he loves how fit I'm working to be or how beautiful he thinks I am (both very sincere things), I almost immediately follow it up with "not enough." Not pretty enough, not thin enough, I'm still too fat, how does he find me attractive, etc. And not only is that not healthy for me, it's not healthy for my relationship. I should be happy to know I have a partner who is comfortable complimenting me and being honest with how he feels when he wants to be.

And those are things I say to him; the things I say to myself are MUCH crueler.

I know self-hatred is one of the things that held me back for yeaaaars when it came to my weight and my health. I was fat, unlovable, and undesireable anyway. And if my body was bad, my personality was worse. So why try?

For months I did a fantastic job of letting those thoughts go, but now that I've slowed down due to all my current life changes, and now that I'm just starting to get back on the wagon after a 10+ month absence from consistent healthy eating and exercise, they've come back with a vengeance. And it is NOT okay.

So, coincidentally, while looking at my facebook images this morning, I found my senior pics hidden in a photo album I was sure I deleted months ago. Apparently I didn't delete it; I just hid it from everyone but myself and chose never to think about it again. Looking at those photos today, I was astounded. While I may have gained 30 lbs back, I am NOT the same size I was before, which is something I like to tell myself in the mirror every now and again when I feel dissatisfied with how much I've gained. Yes, 30 lbs is alot and not satisfactory for my health, but even with those 30 lbs added on I have still lost 90lbs. While I don't consider myself "thin," I'm not obese. I am overweight, but there is nothing stopping me from getting back to where I want to be and where I once was just under a year ago.

So, to help inspire myself, I am going to post these images here. No one has seen them in over 5 years, but I feel publically comparing myself then to myself now is a great way to encourage positivity and to encourage me to keep doing what I'm doing, because it IS working. Senior pics will be first, and after those I will post pics of myself from early June that were taken as new "before" pics for any progress made during the rest of the year. I have lost about 10 lbs since, but these are most recent. Talk about a quick pick-me-up. I'm not there yet, but I'm so much farther than I was just 4 or 5 years ago. :) And right now, that's perfect for me.

Roughly 300 vs. 200 lbs:

PS: I wish the pics were bigger, but they've been resized. Let me know if they're too small!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are (and were, and always will be!) Beautiful! WOW! You have done SO WELL. I hope to look half as good as you when I've lost 90 pounds!

    Don't forget how far you've come, and how little (comparatively) you have left to go! :D
    1915 days ago
    Congrats on your progress! It's good for us to reflect on how far we've come.

    1916 days ago
    Girl you've got this! Look at what you've already done! 90lbs! That is incredible! I lost 23lbs last yr and gained it all back...well all but like 3 lbs. It sucks. So I know how you feel. But know that you have at least seen(and are still on)the other side while I have never seen it. So that's a blessing in and of itself right? :) You can do this. And I will get back on track as well. I'm here to support you.
    1919 days ago
    You have certainly come a long way. Keep that motivation up. You can do it!
    1920 days ago
    You have done an amazing job! Keep it up with the reminders-- they can be life-changing. I can definitely identify with you on the self-loathing and hatred. One day at a time!
    1920 days ago
  • NAVYWIFE1107
    You have done a fantastic job. I know how the self hatred works- I deal with that myself. emoticon
    1920 days ago
    You've made great progress! And you're going to again.
    Your weight will go up and down as you live your life it's just about being more conscious about it than not as you live, and being able to respond to those changes more quickly when they happen. Maybe after you lose the 30, you'll gain ten and start again. Then you'll gain 5 and start again, every time you notice an increase, the gain results could be getting smaller and smaller. That in itself would be astounding progress! :-)

    Glad you have a support system!

    1920 days ago
    First off I want to congratulate you on your loss. You are indeed brave to share pictures that obviously bring you so much discomfort. They are such stark reminders of how far we have come. Second, distorted body image is very common with people who have lost weight. Think about it, how long did you spend being overweight? Probably a long time like most of us. Your eyes and brain are still getting used to the newer you. As we strive for our own perfect bodies we are going to be our harshest critics. I think keeping before and current pictures next to each other is a visual reminder of how far we've come and may ease the distortion problems that affect us.

    I wish you the best of luck on your continued path. emoticon
    1920 days ago
    Well done, you!!! Good job taking care of your inner you! And great job on how far you've come ~ wow ~ you totally inspire me!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    We are all cheering for you!!

    1920 days ago
  • BANDMOM2012
    emoticon Give yourself as many reminders that you want that you are fabulous and worth the work!
    1920 days ago
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