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    SUNSHINE65   55,486
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Some Airline Humor

Monday, September 10, 2012

Most pilots possess a college degree in order to fly a commercial aircraft, but only a high school diploma to fix one... a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent...
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!):
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget



Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PURPLELVR7 9/12/2012 8:37PM

    emoticon

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 9/12/2012 1:40AM

    That was great! I'm flying to Italy via Germany Thursday . . . I printed this to take along for fun in flight.

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MISSDAISY23 9/11/2012 11:48AM

    emoticon

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BEARGODDESS 9/11/2012 7:37AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BEAR8MM 9/11/2012 12:25AM

    I am an aircraft mechanic, and that list has been around for a few years, but ie usually attributed to Qantas Airlines. I'll look around at work and send you some more of these gems!


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SKJCHAPMAN 9/10/2012 11:00PM

    Brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so emoticon much.

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NEWKATHYNOW 9/10/2012 10:14PM

    emoticon

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WOUBBIE 9/10/2012 9:51PM

    My husband the mechanic will love this!

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LOLAINSC 9/10/2012 9:41PM

    Thank you. Those are so funny that I snorted my green tea out my nose.
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