I'm done. Done reporting that I've tried again and failed. Done giving in to my emotional ups and downs. Done putting others first. Done being someone I'm not.
When I look around me, I live a good life. Good family, great new house, decent job. But I just can't wrap my head around this happiness thing. Yes, I'm happy. Yes, I have stresses in my life that I have to deal with. Yes, I have love and joy in my life.
Then why do I feel so disconnected sometimes? I know I have thyroid and depression issues, but I feel I'm able to fight against them.
I feel that my weight right now is a true example of this disconnect - I still don't feel that my insides match by outside appearance.
Yes, I know that only I can make this change. What is it that clicks for some that I just can't seem to find in myself?
I start and then get derailed. And I know about all the positive stuff you need to do for yourself: accept who you are now, but then I struggle with how this contradicts how you must see yourself for where you and now and accept that you need to change.
A friend said it's 90% mental/10% action and I think that's true. But how did it get so convoluted? (however you spell it).
I know I just need to start NOW, but it still seems like an elusive dream to me to get back to my "fighting weight."
Is this my problem - I don't believe enough in myself? If this is the case, what do I do to combat my own self-doubt to make this happen? I usually start with such conviction, then become disappointed and feel guilty for not succeeding. I DO try again, and I DO reward myself for small victories, but those small victories just don't add up for me.
How do I become one of those people considered a "success story?"
How do I do it without being overwhelmed by it all and feeling guilty for not succeeding. I DO try one thing at a time, but never feel I master anything.
I know I'm rambling and many are probably tired of hearing my rants, but I'm interested in other perspectives.
I want to succeed at this. And I want to do it before I turn 50 in 2.5 years. I want to love myself again.