What is your weight history like? How old where you when you first 'went on a diet'? Have you lost and regained? How is this time different from others?
What has been most challenging about maintaining a weight loss (now or in the past)?
How do you measure progress towards or maintenance? Scale weight? Body fat percentage? How your clothes fit? Other?
What do you think will be different when you reach your goal weight? If you are in maintenance, what did you think would be different? What actually was different?
How old are you and do you think your thoughts about weight loss, fitness, and wellness have changed over time?
wow, i know i haven't written in a while - was going to catch up on the blogging this weekend but was hit by a HORRIBLE tension headache that lasted from saturday morning until i woke up this (monday) morning.
okay, here goes!
i first was told that was "a bit chubby" by a dr when i was in 4th grade. he told me that if i could just maintain my weight, my natural growth would get me back into a healthy weight. i was told not to change much, just switch from normal to diet coke, and continue to eat normally.
i suppose that's when i started to consider myself as 'big'. i'm not big, for f*ck's sake, but to this day i have this image of myself as HUGE!
anyway (and yes, i'm merging my answers all together), i stayed in the 'average' weight from then until high school. when i started high school, i joined a gym for the first time (crunch, in nyc, in case you're curious). i LOVED it. i would lift weights (very basic stuff) and do cardio. i adored going to the gym! then we moved overseas (to holland) and i didn't have a gym membership. my parents' marriage of 25 years ended, and my life basically got turned upside down. i was just happy to survive that time period, to be honest. at some point towards the end of high school, my father's new girlfriend told me that i was overweight and i should lose it now, or i'd be fat for my whole life.
WHO SAYS THAT TO A TEENAGE GIRL?!
anyway, i moved back to new york, and my mom got me a gym membership at the sports club la - very fancy and i LOVED IT. i worked with a personal trainer and got into amazing shape - was down to a size 2! i was going to the gym every day, living on lean protein and veggies, and was thrilled with my body, although even then i didn't like my stomach - wanted it flatter and leaner.
then... i moved again! i moved to california to go to acting school. i left after 9 months, in much the same shape as i'd been in - part of the acting program included tons of pilates, movement and tai chi classes. i was back in nyc for about 2 months before i moved again, this time back to the netherlands for university.
i was living by myself at 19, in a city far from home. i enjoyed watching the bbc cooking shows (especially ready, steady, cook!) and would try new recipes at home. but... there was no gym membership. i only joined a gym after about 3 years there, and by then i'd met the man i'm now married to, and had started to gain my 'love weight' (as my mom's best friend called it). i gained about 5 kg in that time period, but i was still pretty happy with how i looked...
then... i moved, yet AGAIN! this time, to south africa. i really do enjoy my adopted country, but the food culture here is not that great. here, a bbq is called a braai, and all kinds of meats and roasts and things going on. a braai is not a quick affair of throwing a hamburger on a gas grill. oh NO! at an evening braai, you might arrive at 4-5 in the evening at someone's house. the fire (made with wood or charcoal) is usually not lit. so everyone comes and starts to drink. the host(ess) will then put out chips and dip, breads, and other snacks. someone will then light the fire. you are lucky if the meat is on the fire by 7ish. there is a variety of meat to be cooked, and you don't eat until everyone's meat is done - from chicken to sausage to steaks... by this time, you have eating ALL the snacks, had at least 2-3 drinks, and have no self control when it comes to dishing up food. usually, on top of the meat from the braai, the host(ess) will have made 'salads'. while some people make green salads, they usually add LOTS of unhealthy extras... i've even seen peanut brittle IN THE SALAD! so you pile on the salads, veggies (usually drowned in butter, cheese sauces or even sugar) and starches, and consume WAY too much.
as you can imagine, when i was new to this and being way too polite at my in-laws' house, i ended up gaining, again. another 5 kgs. yup, that's 10 kgs from when i met the love of my life. it was horrible. plus, where i live in johannesburg, it's not safe to walk... you HAVE to drive. i had a license, but i had to learn how to drive a manual car. plus, i share my car with my man, so i was often trapped. it was not a pretty time in my life.
eventually, i met my 'gym buddy' who was a horrible gym companion but at least helped me get there a couple times a week (my man would drive me there on the weekends), and eventually my DH changed jobs and i was able to have the car during the day.
i no longer worry about the scale. i learned this when i started to lift weights properly. i read that book - the new rules of lifting for women. i started on the program, and a month or so in, my body fat had gone down, but my weight was the same. i realized that my weight will go down, but i will probably never be the number that i put on my driver's license
. even when i get to my ideal body size, i know that the number on the scale will not reflect that - i want to have lean muscle. i think it looks better than being 'skinny fat'. so i will keep working based on measurements, how much weight i can lift rather than how much i weigh, and how my clothes fit.
i hope that i can get back to my ideal body, or at least a body that i'm always comfy in. for the most part, i'm happy with how i look, but i'd still like to be a bit leaner and bit smaller. once i get there, i will just focus on fitness, not size.
i think i've also become more comfy with my weight since i've realized that i'm a woman, and it's good to have curves. i LOVE my butt and how round it is. i LOVE having boobs. yes, i wish my stomach were leaner, but in the end, i'm healthy and my husband is attracted to me. the rest is just my self-esteem and messed up view of my body that gets in the way.