Motivation, you fickle friend! I’m having coffee with you this morning and we are going to discuss how the next six months of my life are going to go. I hope you are prepared for a serious commitment now because I plan on having your name tattooed on my booty…
The last three weeks have felt like a blur. The start of school is always insane (and I always seem to forget that!), and deciding to travel at the beginning of the school year might not have been the best idea. I survived. I am surviving.
Now it is time to get back to thriving.
The last three weeks have served as an important reminder to me that 1) the rules have changed for me and 2) I have to play by the new rules if I want to continue to be successful on this journey. Managing my stress is NOT optional. Taking care of myself FIRST is NOT optional. Making good choices is NOT optional. Going back is NOT OPTIONAL.
Yesterday, after a long walk with the dog, I decided that I wanted to change my ticker to reflect my new weight loss goals. I have been choosing to step away from my past and a lot of the weight I carried for all of those years represents so much of my past. All of the pain, the hurt, the insulation, the humiliation, the depression, the anger, the failure that those 60 pounds represented are gone. I have forgiven those who have hurt me, I have forgiven myself and now it is time to move forward and stop being connected to my hurtful past. It does not serve me. I don’t ever want to rewind. I don’t ever want to go back.
So I’m moving forward from where I am. Not ‘restarting’, just recalibrating. My body has been on quite the journey in the last six months! I need to respect that, celebrate my victories and the march onward to my final goal. When I started this I was spilling out of my 14s. Now I’m in 8s and squeezing into 6s! It doesn’t seem like a big deal. Then I look at this pic:
I may not see it still, but I have changed.
The other day I took a picture of where I started at what must have been my highest weight in 2010. I’ve never really showed anyone this picture – but a thoughtful parent made me a billion copies since it is a picture of me winning a very special award.
Here I am then:
Here I am now (please excuse my messy room!):
My face is thinner and my collar bones show:
It is starting to sink in how far I’ve come. It still sounds weird when people tell me I look skinny. I’m not used to that – and I still feel like I look the same. But I’m working hard to change my perspective.
And every day, when I fit into those smaller pants, I am very thankful for the events that brought this change in to my life.
35 pounds is all that is between me and my goal now. Part of me is sad that the ticker isn’t going to show my total loss. But I realized it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m starting to get my life back. No, scratch that, I’ve never really had a life where weight wasn’t an issue, so really I am just starting to understand what it feels like to take weight out of the equation. For the first time, I’m starting to live my life.
I am at a crossroads right now – standing on a precipice overlooking uncharted territory. I have so many big decisions on the horizon. It’s all a brand new adventure. And I love adventures.
“In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die.
Where you invest your love, you invest your life.”
Mumford and Sons
I love those lines. I know where I’m choosing to invest my love. And that is all the motivation that I need………
Happy Sunday Sparkplugs! Keeping moving forward…