Saturday, September 08, 2012
thanks for all the encouragement and support, i really appreciate it. I do need to make a correction. I made alot of refrences to job loss in my last blog. That was me drawing from past events trying to figure out why this whole work issue has affected me the way it has. That has led alot of very supportive people to believe that i had lost my job.
To make the proper correction, I have NOT lost my job. Rather, what is going on is that the union is locked in contract negotiations and the threat of a strike has been very real. The possibility of getting caught up in a strike has me very worried and the idea of being out on a prolonged labor dispute is frightening because you are draining your savings dry just trying to live through it. The idea of losing my home over a labor dispute has driven the anxiety levels through the roof and brought back a flood of fearful memories of past experiences... All of them bad.
However, NOTHING has happened as of yet. Because of this, i am going to be smart about my money but i am trying to get past being ruled by fear. Right now, as best as we can tell, our contract has been extended and should be extended until early October. Right now, its one day at a time with either side able to pull the plug at anytime.
However, isn't that how life is anyway??? I dont let the fear of getting hit by a car keep me from riding my bike or running. All i can do is to be pro active and take the necessary precautions and thats all i can do. Not one time have i ever allowed those things stop me from living or doing those afore mentioned things.
There are no guarentees with anything and i have made the decision to not allow my fears to go crazy.
The stress reaction to all of this has been intense and i guess its only natural to try to play ''war games'' in your head to try to work through all scenarios in order to develop a strategy of survival. However, there comes a time where, for the sake of mental health, I need to simply let it all go and accept the fact hat i have done all that i could be expected to do. It serves no purpose to torture myself. It also affects everyone around me. If i cant be strong then how does that affect those that look to me for leadership? What about my family? I simply cannot let myself fall to pieces over something that could happen.
Its just that those other times of loss have been so difficult that i fear going through it again but and if it is my lot to tread water in the angry ocean of uncertainty then i pray for the ability to suffer with grace and srength, to carry the burden of being a provider who has been stripped of his ability to provide.
I do not understand some guys at my workplace who have families and all they talk about is getting more money for beer, a new ATV, snowmobile, or some other new tinkertoy. Then talk to them when a strike or layoff is looming and they just shrug. wow, what a slug. I guess the bad experiences of the past has helped form my present attitude concerning wants and needs.
Figuratively speaking, if the memories of the last air raid are still fresh, you tend to keep an ear cocked for the sirens while you are building a better bunker, not wasting time fooling around and partying.
I just dont understand some guys.
I guess that is why i have struggled with guilt over buying my bike but if i were weighed in the balances and judged in the court of public opinion, i believe the verdict would be not guilty.
I shouldnt beat myself up any more. I have been a responsible man.
I choose to put this behind me and deal with it IF it comes.
I choose to live.