Yes, it does suck. It's not easy for those around us, and we're aware of it, even if we get defensive about it sometimes. Depression is so frustrating because it seems like it should be a "choice," (Just cheer up! Get some meds! See a shrink!) but you know no one would choose to be truly depressed. It's always lurking, it's always ready to steal your joy, it doesn't care who it takes down - so protect yourself and especially your kids, as you do so well already.
Depression is not "normal" and is hard to be around. It can usually be treated one way or another, but someone has to help. I wish I could, and hope you get some help one way or another. It's not something that a layman can fix, and I'm sure not an expert on anything.
What I mean is, I'm on your side, and hope you survive today and tomorrow. The BW was depressed for years, and has been a lot better in just the last few months, after a couple of years of seeing a therapist.
Like so many things, it's easier to work with one's own issues than that of other's. But there is nothing that says one can't or that they can't help. We do the best we can in life for ourselves and for others, that's about all God expects us to do.
Take care of yourself and your children. That's about all you can do at this point. Its one of those circle of influence / circle of concern things. Focus on what you can influence at this point, that's where your biggest outcome will be.
Sending lots of to you amiga. I know exactly how you feel. I have always found the best way to deal with my loved one's depression is to get up and get a good work out in. Be well.
Boy, don't I just hear you loud and clear. It's so hard to always have to be the "happy" one, when sometimes you'd just like to wallow for awhile yourself. I know for a fact the person who must deal with someone else's depression has to put forth a whole lot more effort than the depressed person.
Hang in there. Every tomorrow is another day, and we have to believe that God not only will give us the ingredients for our daily bread (literally and figuratively, what gets put on our "plate"), but he'll also provide us the wisdom to cook it and the strength to serve it up!