Inspiration and Encouragement are Everywhere

Friday, September 07, 2012

I decided to check in on my friend feed and found MOMCATT's entry for today. In it she was talking about making changes. We are both going through the job search ordeal. One of the things she said was she was going to ask 2 ladies she's knows for mentoring. She was going to bite the bullet and do it.

That really hit home. Literally. This morning at breakfast, my husband said 'so are we still on for the barbecue tomorrow?' I've been dreading this question all week.

The BBQ is at a coworker of his' place. I won't know anyone there except Joe. I really, really, really, REALLY don't want to go because - well, first off, everyone I meet will say 'so what do you do?'


Then there is the fact that I feel like I look like an old hag. Since I'm not bringing in any money, I've pretty much not felt like I could spend any on anything trivial like - a hair cut or manicure or clothes that fit. I haven't had my hair done since before our June wedding. My lupus does a weird thing with my nails and makes them split along the length so I would have an acrylic overlay to keep them - you know - ON my fingers. And none of the clothes I have that fit are not stained with paint or garden dirt.

Our soon to be neighbors are going to be there too. We met them once before the wedding. The dentist and his glamazon wife. (Very nice - but VERY put together.)

Anyway - so with all this running through my mind, I did the only thing any rational (ahem) thinking woman would do. I hedged.

"Well, do you want to go?" I asked all the while thinking (say no, say we have too much to do, say you'd rather spend the day alone with me...)

Joe: "Sure!"
Me: crap.

And then he said it: ' I thought it would be a great way for you to network.'


So now I REALLY want to go to a big splashy party where I will know no one in dirty jeans, ratty hair, and raggedy nails AND ask someone to hire me. Yes - they'll snap me up in a minute.

And then I read MOMCATT's blog. I'm paraphrasing, but she said it was foolish of her not to ask people who are there and willing to help to - well - help. And she's right. I'm on SP asking strangers for help on a daily basis. It is no different.

And after all Joe has done for me, I need to suck it up and get over it and go.

Besides, we can always leave early....
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CNELSON5411
    Sorry I missed supporting you before you went, and now that you have let me give you a great big "Atta Girl" I have been where you were many many times! You see I was, and choose to be a housewife and mother Not that I have never worked because I have, either cause I had to (husband hurt back) or wanted too (working in the kids school) , or loved my little part time job (Smart Coordinator) which has not worked it self into a no longer paying me part time job (not so thrilled about that part) but I liked being home with my kids and raising them with a parent always around. Until...we had to go to a work function of my husbands and that "so what do you do" always came out and I had to say in one way or another "not much raise four kids" lol

    So WTG on getting out there and double WTG for having fun!

    I would have responded before but I kind of got waylayed with grandbaby coming a week early (all healthy and now home)

    2019 days ago
    Hi all

    First off - thanks for the encouragement on going to the BBQ. I went and had a reasonably good time.

    The friday night Joe came home and told me that we'd probably go around 2-3 because several of the ladies that day were going to be competing in a triathlon. (Could this get any worse?) I just looked at him and said - you're kidding right? Nope - a triathlon. I'm sure that was after they completed their supermodel duties....

    So I started telling him how I felt and he offered to cut my hair for me. I figured - what the hell? It can't look any worse than it does now. So he trimmed it up (under my careful direction - I'm not totally crazy.) and it actually turned out pretty good. I did the bangs and tapered the sides and then blew it dry (thanks Chicchantel) and it sort of went all wavy - and I was good with it.

    I wore a t-shirt and jeans and say it is what it is.

    And most importantly - I didn't over eat. I had a hamburger with mustard only, lemonade, and NO DESERT. We had a deal - we would only stay for an hour but ended up staying for 3. I survived.

    yea me! emoticon
    2019 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/9/2012 5:10:23 PM
    I hope you end up enjoying it and whatever you wear or look like, as long AS YOU"RE HAPPY WITH IT it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Joe loves you for you and you can only be yourself. HUGS
    2020 days ago
    Never, ever give up!
    2020 days ago
    PLUS....what do I do? I make cucumber bread!!! 10 bucks a loaf!! Jams, Jellies, green Tomato Salsa! :) "I'm starting Joesfarmgirls, home made goodies" I ship too!! :)

    2021 days ago
    NICE!!! Can't wait to hear how the bbq went. I totally get the hair/nails/cloths issues! On top of it, I'm white headed now under the blond weave!!! I went white idk, five years ago. I'm probably completely white now. I totally get it! When my roots come in ugh! I go 6 weeks. It's 100 bucks!! I like Nataliegenz idea of 1 more person. I put on a little Courage Girl Cape when I need the extra umph too. In my head that is.... lol. I might one day just have to make a real one.
    I went to a local market and talked to the hiring manager just to give my self a challenge. Really had no expectations, just wanted to get over the selling myself part. I did feel better after the excersise. I am going to do it again next week. Pick a business and cold call, well walk in and just bs but be myself. I am going to read through your oter posts.
    It's cool we were able to connect during this!
    2021 days ago
    Just wear something you are comfortable in and feel you look good in, and relax. People won't judge you and if they do, they aren't worth knowing! I always find just painting my own nails, wearing a bit of jewellery and some lipstick makes a world of difference in how I feel and present myself. It's a BBQ, not an interrogation so just enjoy I would say. All the best :)
    2021 days ago
    Okay - I know exactly where you are.

    First, get "LinkedIn" if you're not already. Send an email to everyone you know, telling them you're looking for a job. Bulletize a few of your skills in the email. And attach your resume. I did this when I was getting laid off in February, and it was because of this that my resume was sent to someone I didn't know and I was called for a job interview. There is no shame in being unemployed - you just have to hold your head up, apply to a million places and don't take the rejections (or lack of communication) personally. Finding a job is a job in itself!

    I'm part-time right now by no choice of my own and am doing the same thing - no new haircuts, clothes, etc., to cut back. But it doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. Get dolled up the best you can, and when people ask what you do, tell them. "My skills are...and I'm looking for employment right now."

    Hold your head up high!

    Oh, and take a big salad to share if it's a potluck. :-D

    Good luck!
    2021 days ago
  • EWL978
    Just't hide in a corner (that's so, I always hid behind Daddy as a little kid)

    AND, have a good time!!! That's what you need to show the world...that you can enjoy life!!

    Don't worry... just keep on keeping on...who knows?? Maybe nothing will come of it and you'll just be able to chalk it up to having a good meal...maybe something will come your way.

    You never know what contact you make that will be the luck of your life!!

    AND, good luck!! emoticon
    2021 days ago
    People notice the outside first, yes. But they stay and talk to the personality. And you've clearly got one.

    Re hair, wash and blow dry it. Most of the people there won't have done any more. Re nails, have you got a friend who could do them for you?

    Re clothes, since this is about networking to help you find a job, you can justify something new to wear. Doesn't have to be expensive. But it will make you feel confident.

    Hope it goes well for you.
    2021 days ago
    OK...pep talk time!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    You are a really beautiful person, inside and out! So first, address the outside as best you can. Spend a little time today doing whatever it is that makes you feel attractive: home manicure and/or pedicure, face mask (use those cucumbers!!!), deep-condition your hair, whatever. Put together an outfit you like...I'll bet you can find something that makes you feel good if you spend a little time in your closet playing with new combos.

    Then, remember that you are well-educated, successful and professional. Your current unemployed status is NOT YOUR FAULT! You are so funny and warm and if that comes across to me over thousands of miles on a computer screen, I'm sure it will come through even stronger to the people you meet tomorrow.

    I'm an introvert who would always rather be at home in the garden than at a party with strangers, so I get it! But remember, most people really just like to talk about themselves. If you're a good listener, everyone will think you're a great conversationalist!!!

    Go forth and conquer!

    2021 days ago
    Hmm. Maybe try to set a few goals for yourself? Like, small goals, but ones that will help keep you engaged. Like say to yourself, "I'm going to stay for 45 minutes and I'm going to talk to three people I don't know one-on-one." I don't know if that sounds too easy or too hard, but you know what I mean. You can adjust it based on what feels ok for you. I just know if I could think "ok, only 20 more minutes" or "only one more person" it would be easier for me to survive, and then afterwards I'd feel proud of doing what I set out to do. Sure it's kind of a sucky situation in general if it's a place you just don't want to be, but I trust you can make the best of it. And use your husband for support if you need it! That's what he's there for!
    2021 days ago
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