Thursday, September 06, 2012
Ok my friends.. things are not going well for me and this is completely an emotional issue that i am having. fyi this is a really depressing blog so dont read it if you're looking for motivation b/c i have none :( sorry guys.
I know better than to think that I will get immediate results from working out and eating better but i feel like my results should be better than they are. I killed my workout minutes goal, seriously i had over 1000 minutes and my goal was half of that. i burned enough calories to lose a pound a week and i def did not lose a pound a week.
Now i know what you are all thinking... its my eating. And you're totally right!!! i had great great great streaks and i didn't eat fast food for over 60 days! hello milestone, like thats incredible for me. but whenever i eat healthy there is always this voice in my head like "if i wasn't trying to be healthy i could be eating a delicious burger and fries right now" so why am i not losing when i am eating significantly better? I just dont freaking get it.
I know i need to start tracking my food, but freaking suck at it and can never ever get into a rhythm. I think even when i eat healthy, i still manage to go over on my calories.. BAD BAD BAD.
ugh i just dont know what to do. Part of me just wants to give up but that is a teany tiny part of me and i wont let that win. I keep going back to thinking that i should do a round of HCG again with 800 cal a day like i did last year and had amazing result with but then i just feel like that is sooooo not healthy. dont do it.. or do it.. or dont.. idk. Scott keeps encouraging me to do it because i had such great results but i feel like it wont solve my problems. :( ohhh decisions decisions
Can someone please please please give me some advice and help me or help me get help? I'm not giving up but i feel like i'm never making any progress no matter what i do. :/
To make things worse i'm having issues everywhere else in my life. I've started to think that i'm crazy and now after doing some research it sort of looks like i may have a mild form of OCD, but i def need to see a therapist before that can be confirmed. I apparently screwed up and took the wrong class this summer which jeopardized my graduation in may, but now i'm just picking up another class and taking 20 credits this semester and have to pay $600 for that extra class. I have no idea where that money will come from but i will have to do it. And my trainer raised my board so now its $300/month which is too much and i dont want to move my horse but she thinks its not good for my horse to be rough boarded which i see her point but I may have to consider moving my horse and there are so limited options in my area. AHHHH can you see why i am going crazy?
ok any advice or comforting words would be appreciated, thanks for listening spark friends!
you guys are the best.