Day 16: Toxic
Thursday, September 06, 2012
Yesterday I found myself back in a very toxic environment, filled with toxic people and painful memories. I was there to do a short lecture to a specific group and was hoping my presence would go unnoticed to the general community, but a meeting was just getting out when I arrived and I ended up running right into the people I dreaded seeing most.
It is AMAZING how you can feel in your body when emotional trauma hits. I am stiff and exhausted today from all the stress I held in my body (and heart) yesterday.
My Buddhism-based mindfulness practice suggests that I move *closer* to this kind of discomfort, but I have a hard time seeing the opportunity here. It seems so incredibly damaging to all parts of me. The best I can do right now is not run away from it, and that's what I'm working on now. Moving closer may have to wait...