Thursday, September 06, 2012
As I previously mentioned, I recently started taking kickboxing classes. I (against my better judgement, it would seem) accepted a friend request from the instructor. Last night she messaged me asking me how much weight have I lost since I started, and when I told her it was just a pound, she seemed to think there was something wrong with that and wanted to go over my eating habits and water drinking and all that. I am fairly certain that she thought she was being well-meaning and I feel that she genuinely wants to help me. She has lost around 65 pounds herself, so she's not unfamilar with the journey. But this incident rubbed me the wrong way. And after having a night to stew over it, I think I can finally express why exactly it bothers me.
Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I get frustrated when I have plateau weeks, especially when I know it's a direct result of a bad decision that I made. However, this is more about a number on a scale. This is about getting healthy. About exploring who I really am and how I want to live my life. I want to try new activities and foods. I want my life to be full of the wonder of showing myself what I am truley capable of. I want to dedicate myself to being fully vested in making my life a beautiful, positive experience. I want to learn from my mistakes and grow as a person.
I do NOT want to form my successes and failures based on a stupid piece of metal and glass. The way I figure, if I eat responsibly and track it, and continue to be active and push my own limits, the weight will come off. This is supposed to be a journey for me to discover the real me. Not just a temporary quest to get the weight.
Don't get me wrong, I do recognize that my weight is unhealthy and it needs to come down, but I think the biggest part of my commitment problems in the past is getting so focused and hung up on the numbers. I've wasted countless hours of my life trying to tweak the system to get the maximum return and during those dark days I completely lost sight of all the wonderful things to be had out there.
No more!! I will continue to step on the scale every Wednesday (and probably sneak a peek or two during the week), but from this day on I refuse to allow myself to be defined by a single aspect of this process. Instead, I CHOOSE to embrace the full experience and allow myself to revel in the more important parts: the living parts.