Thursday, September 06, 2012
I obviously don’t care about myself…..no it’s true. Why else would I make the choices I make? I know when I am making a bad choice, I know it is a bad choice and that I shouldn’t do it, but I do it anyway….I don’t care….
All the good intentions in the world don’t matter when I find myself craving something that isn’t good for me because…..I don’t care…..
I get determined to work out after work and I get home and take a nap because I tell myself I am really tired……I don’t care…..
I eat well all day and don’t snack only to stop for ice cream on my way home because I’ve had a bad day…..I don’t care……
I do well on the weekend days but then I will go out to a restaurant at night and not care what or how much I have…..I don’t care….
My doctor tells me I NEED to start walking for my health but I find every excuse in the book not to….I don’t care….
I’m not proud of it…I don’t care….
I’m not happy about it….I don’t care….
I’m worried I’m going to die…..I don’t care?….
….I don’t care…. I don’t care….I don’t…….. I do….. I do?
I do care that I don’t seem to have the motivation I need to follow through.
I do care that I get so over heated from the smallest amount of exertion.
I do care that I look like I do and it makes me ill to look in the mirror.
I do care that I’m so ashamed that my family has to be seen with me.
I do care that I’m at a loss on how to find my determination back.
I have to figure it out…..it has to be now…..I can’t wait any longer….cuz…….