We, the cats, would like a rebuttal blog....
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
It has come to our attention that we, the cats, have been horribly maligned in some previous blogs. Further, any comment on us was done without our permission and we are seeking legal counsel against one said JoesFarmGirl, aka, Mom.
As the senior feline of the household, I, Harold, aka Hairy-toes, aka Fatty McButterpants, will do the speaking for the crew.
> wait - why can't I talk? (Kiki)
> because you're a cat. (Bugg)
> will you two shut up? I'm trying to type here and I don't have opposable thumbs.
> you should ask Aggie - she's good at pecking. (kiki)
Ahem... pardon the interruption.
As you will see, we are not at all as portrayed by Mom. We are sweet, gentle, dare I say, LOVING, animals. I submit for your consideration the following:
1. We allow her in the big bed every night.
2. We allow her to feed us whatever food is on sale. I mean, really, DISCOUNTED food! That is outrageous, yet do we complain? Well, maybe, but do we eventually eat it?? Yes, we do.
3. We agreed to use the dog door all on our own. Do you have any idea how disgusting it is to put your face where a dog face was? (I've personally perfected the technique of pushing it open with a paw and then running through the space.)
4. We keep her constant company. When she's trying to work on her computer, we diligently agree to lay on the key board and protect her from the thing that makes horrible noise and then spits out paper. We attack it quite regularly.
5. We leave our hair in nice clumps around the house, generally regurgitated ones.
6. When we have upset tummies, we empty them on the carpet or bed, and then cover it up so as not to offend. (NOT our fault they don't look where they step or check before laying down We do that inspect, turn around 3 times thing. They should too.)
7. We, and by 'we' I mean Kiki as Bugg and I are retired, we leave the dead mice, shrews, and lizards OUTSIDE and only bring IN the live ones.
8. Rather than make them constantly fill up bowls with water, we allow them turn on the faucets to provide us with fresh water.
9. We eat flies.
10. We try to encourage her by creating obstacle courses around the house so the extra jumping, etc. will burn more calories.
Is it our fault that she is a clod who can't walk and hold a cat at the same time?? She's been given ample practice at this. It is all in the name of increasing fitness minutes.
We are highly offended that such scurrilous remarks have been bandied about. There is no plot against her.
>oooh! I get it. Right - NO plot. wink wink nudge nudge. (kiki)
>god you're an idiot. (bugg)
I repeat. There is no plot.
> so when do we knock her down again? (kiki)