Acknowledging Stress and Getting Rid of it For Good
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
For the last couple of years, my family and friends have told me to leave my job and find a new one.
My boss is WONDERFUL in so many ways. I have a flexible schedule when doctor's appointments and things like that come up. I can leave early, arrive late, or even take a day off when I've wracked up more than 40 hours a week.
But I doubt I will EVER be considered for a promotion. And I do put in a lot of extra work...much of which is outside of my job description. Whenever someone has left, I've been given at least a chunk of their workload. And so far, once it's on my plate it doesn't ever come off.
I found out last week that my boss is willing to pay for the Indiana Watershed Leadership Academy...which is something I've wanted to do for a while. It's a step toward my masters degree. So I was really excited!
But my family and friends are still worried about me. And it makes me wonder WHY I get defensive about my boss and my job, while THEY get defensive about ME.
Do I feel like I've EARNED a promotion? Well....no. I spend most of my life feeling like a bit of an idiot. I don't think I'm smart enough or well-educated enough to DO the job I really want.
As my family and friends have pointed out, and the new WPD has pointed out...I did the job for almost two years. Clearly, I CAN do it. I'm more than capable of doing it.
So why do I feel like I can't?
I've never felt like I DESERVED anything. There have been a lot of days where I wondered why my family even loved me, let alone liked me. I wonder the same thing about my friends sometimes...I'm so bland, and proper, and I don't always feel like I have much of a personality or a sense of humor, or ANYTHING that would explain why they actually want to be around me.
I'm pretty sure this is a textbook definition of INFERIORITY COMPLEX. I don't know what else to call it...I don't think I deserve good things in my life, so I work extra hard to try to justify myself...work myself to DEATH to try to EARN things that most of my loved ones think I've already more than earned.
Where does it come from? I'm finally trying to find out...because if I continue to act like I don't feel smart enough, or good enough, or deserving enough, I'll never get ahead. I'll never get promoted, or get my masters and Ph.D, or...I don't know, fall in love with someone without wondering WHY they're with me?!
I'm breaking this blog up, because when I wrote it it was REALLY long. But I've had to come to terms with the fact that, while I'm getting better with time management and slowly learning to say NO, the root cause of EVERY SINGLE ONE of my external stressors -- work, and volunteering, and yet more work -- lie in the fact that I feel like I HAVE to say yes in order to make people want to be around me, and respect and like me as a person. I feel guilty for saying no, and I feel guilty for taking time off, and I am constantly panicking that I've forgotten a deadline, or a commitment. And I'm constantly stressed...though much less so than I was a year and a half ago, it's still simmering under the surface!
This is gonna be a big topic, Sparkfriends...but I need to actually work through all of this crazy brain inferiority complex stuff to actually move on and get it out of my life!!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
It sounds like you have come to the root of why you continually put yourself through all the overwork and stress. As someone who has struggled with an "inferiority complex" most of my life, I understand where you are coming from. It helps me to regularly step back and try to look at my accomplishments. When I do, I see someone who has honestly made a difference in the world. Maybe not in the way that some well known people have but in many small ways, many people are better off for awhat I have done. Occasionally I run into someone who I have helped and they are so glad to see me and they thank me for what I have done. It is amazing what that does to my spirit. I remind myself of those occasions when I really need it.
Thanks for reminding me to think of those times more often.
1510 days ago
I was going to write a similar blog tonight. Sometimes I think I'm the queen of insecurity, low self esteem and inferiority complexes. For example, this morning I was sitting at a red light. I was the only one in the turn lane and there were about 10 cars in the oncoming traffic lane. I got the arrow and I thought "Why should they all have to wait for me?" WTH??? Why would I think I should have to wait for them?
I agree with the other posts. You are smart, funny, and deserve the best life has to offer. The blog about your kayaking trip had me laughing like a fool. You can paint a very colorful picture with your story telling. That takes talent and intelligence.
Keep your head up! You are worth it!
1511 days ago
Good luck in dealing with these issues! You are a wonderful person and you deserve the best!
1511 days ago
Great blog, Falon. Acknowledging these fear and insecurities is HUGE, and the first step to overcoming/banishing them! WTG, dear.
1511 days ago
But I doubt I will EVER be considered for a promotion...
They're offering you an education because you've shown you can do the work and more.
It's a step toward my masters degree...
You've wanted to do this, DO IT. Another level of expertise can open up so many new opportunities, not only at the current employer but others will see one who has not only mastered her position but looks for more. An employers' dream.
I don't think I'm smart enough or well-educated enough ...
Yes, you are. You prove it every day in taking on new responsibilities. The Indiana Watershed Leadership Academy is recognition of your efforts.
...I don't always feel like I have much of a personality or a sense of humor...
Are you kidding? I still chuckle at recalling your description of swimming against the current and the aftermath. That may be more fun for to me than you but your willing-to-try attitude there is a reflection of what you also bring to the employer.
Where does it come from? I'm finally trying to find out...
Hey, don't beat yourself up trying to figure it out. It's other peoples loss if they can't see the dedicated, involved employee or the interesting young lady with a wide variety of interests. They've offered you the next step in Leadership training, grab it and go!
1512 days ago
Have you ASKED for a promotion? Make a list of all the extra activities you do since other people have left their jobs, write them down, hand them to your boss and ask, flat out, for a raise. Sometimes people don't think about those things, so the people who GET raises are the people who ask. And trust me, you deserve it!
1512 days ago
Been there, done that... Probably haven't left/stopped, though, honestly.
I have recently decided upon this piece of wisdom: I am happy with every aspect of my life, and that is enough for me.
Do I have a great-paying job with room to grow in a company? No. But I do have a full time job that I thoroughly enjoy, and between my boyfriend and myself we can afford to live and save.
That's the question you have to ask yourself: are you happy? Because, if not, then you have a lot of reflection to do in order to determine what would make you happy. Maybe it's a new job, maybe not. That's up to you and no one else.
1512 days ago
I know exactly how you feel and I KNOW that it's one of the biggest issues keeping me from taking the time for myself to get in better shape. I don't feel I deserve the time to get fit or the results of the work, so I don't do it. I'm going to sign up for alerts on your blogs because even just reading this shows that you DO deserve it!!!!
1512 days ago
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