Wednesday, September 05, 2012
I am really scared of dating. I want to do it but I really don't want to do it here. Since I am in grad school I moved to a small town I hate because it was affordable. I have another two to three years here but I don't want to date anyone here. It is just too small and everyone gets in your business. And God forbid I fall for someone who lives here when I am trying to get the heck out of dodge. So I am scared and I want to get it out of my way but not here.
I guess I worry that I am making excuses and wasting time. Yesterday a guy I work with and joke around with held the door for me and said something like, "Hello beautiful lady. Come on in." I just said his sarcasm was not funny. Next time a thank you is fine. This has been a part of keeping weight on. No, I don't feel like I am trying to hide. But when a guy pays me a compliment, I do feel the urge to scuttle away. I want to be a turtle with a shell to hide in.
Thankfully this guy isn't really an option since he is 10+ years younger than me and I know he thinks I am younger than I am. I can use him to practice being comfortable around guys though. I might have to drop my age on him though. I have no game and you have to start somewhere.