Tuesday, September 04, 2012
A scale victory! Down 3 lbs from last month. Of course, I wanted a loss but had resigned myself to accepting just maintainance. I have been steadily tracking my nutrition and exercising consistently. However, most days I was at the top end of calorie range and often times a little over. But I have learned that about my body and my "self." I must have a pretty good metabolism because I require and demand high volume when I eat, even when it's not emotional eating. I thought I was interested in tracking deficits and monitoring input output and intensities but after so many years I think I just "get it." I "know" when I am working out at or above target heart rate. I know when I am slacking or when I am just too tired to push harder. I know that I cannot givE 100%, one hundred percent of the time. But I find balance. The same with eating... I still feel that aany given moment I could fall into a binge lasting days, months or even longer. I still know and fear that PIT! I know now better than ever what an emotional eater I am. Food is still my comfort but I control it better and I can read my own signals. Sometimes I head those signal and others times I FALL. But those times have become less often and the fall a little less hard. I know my addiction for food as comfort. Sometimes it still is the only way to settle anxieties but it is acknowledged as such. Again, I still FEAR what could happen but I am working through it. I do not ever want to go back to the heavy, tired, depressed, weak person that I was but who ever WANTS to be those things. They are results of bad choices in dealing with "whatever." I my not be able to control the "whatever's" but I can choose better options on how to deal with them. I have come to learn to let go of the "fairy tales" and just do what it takes to stay strong and healthy. I get weary, I backslide, I fall, but I never quit in this past year and 4 months. Down 47 lbs with 10 lbs to go on the scale but I have met and surpassed some NSVs like two pair of pants I have had in the back of the closet for years. I feel stronger in mind, body and spirit! Keep Sparking!