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    LDRICHEL   48,834
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Kicking Out The Doubt Demons

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Tuesday, September 04, 2012

For this blog, I felt it only fitting to borrow a phrase originally coined by my friend (and author of the books "The Competitor In Me" and "The Competitor In Me II: Facing The Fear"), Francie Van Wirkus. Francie started out running and eventually went on to become a triathlete and then an Ironman. Obviously, Francie is a huge inspiration to me and definitely a driving force behind my interest in triathlon.

In her books, Francie frequently refers to those inner voices that come against a person and try to discourage or bring fear. She calls them "doubt demons". And she talks about how she works to defeat those doubt demons over and over and over and over. Sadly, they never seem to go away forever.

Before this injury, I thought I knew the doubt demons. But, for the past few days, I feel like they have descended upon my spirit en masse. Even in my passion and fervor to learn how to ride a bike and plan my various workouts and keep my calorie consumption under control, they have still be having a good old time in my brain. You see, that's the thing about doubt demons...they don't care how hard you work or what actions you have taken to do what's right...they just keep picking at you. They keep demeaning and they keep discouraging.

Today, I felt overwhelmed by them. As I said, it's been building for a few days. Nightmares and everything. In particular, though, I have begun to doubt my ability to run my 5k on Saturday (a 5k!) And I was getting close to panicking about being ready for my 10k race on September 29th. That's not very far away, you know. And, when I thought about my half marathon on October 20th, well...that is not even something I can describe. The doubt demons were EATING ME ALIVE on that one. They kept saying, "You won't be ready. What do you think you're doing? You can't do this, Leah. You will hurt yourself. You will make a fool of yourself."

Today, I knew what I needed to do. At some point, you just have to prove them wrong. And that is the only way to silence them. I was supposed to run 3.1 this morning. But the weather was so dark and foggy, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I got home from a full day of work just wiped out. But I knew I had to do it. I couldn't handle those voices of discouragement one minute longer.

I went for my run. The first real run since I was injured 7 weeks ago. Warmed up with a 5 minute walk and then ran for 5 minutes. Walk break. So far, so good. If I can do 5 minutes running, 1 minute walking the entire way...that's not bad! But, my gosh, it 90 degrees and who knows what the nasty humidity was! I walked one minute, ran 2 minutes and had to walk again. Sweat was POURING down.

Doubt Demons: See, you've lost it. You cannot do this. You have to start all over.

Ran 4 minutes and had to walk.

Doubt Demons: You're never going to be in shape by the 29th. No way.

Ran 2 minutes and walked.

Doubt Demons: How could you register for that half marathon? You probably wasted your money.

Finally, I was at the halfway point. 1.55 miles. Actually, I thought, I'm on time with my normal pace, despite all the extra walk breaks. So, I'm not doing so badly. Also, it's freaking 90 degrees out here and I can barely breathe. And, it's afternoon (not my most energetic time) and I'm exhausted from this day!

Doubt Demons: Excuses.

No...no...grace. Because I haven't done this in 7 weeks. And it wasn't my fault I got injured and I did the right thing by resting. If I keep working and putting in the miles, I'll be ready. You know what? Shut up. SHUT UP now!

From that point on, they were silent. I broke the last half of the run up into small pieces...just like when I first started running back in March. Just go from this sign to that next sign. Go from this curve to the top of that hill. Go from that next curve to the curve after that. Just go up this little hill and then you can walk. Just run the rest of the way home and you'll be done.

In the end, I made it in 45 minutes - with heat, with humidity, with doubt demons, and without the normal energy that I have in my morning runs.

My PR in a 5k is 42 mins 30 secs. If conditions had been better, perhaps I could have met that time.

When I realized that I just might PR this race on Saturday, well...I don't know what happened to those stupid DDs but they are gone.

I have time before September 29th and October 20th. One thing at a time.

For now, Bloomingfoods 5k on Saturday...YOU ARE MINE.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLOOMING52 9/6/2012 9:01AM

    Thank you!

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FARIS71 9/6/2012 8:49AM

    I have found myself many times saying (not always to myself) "Get OUT!" to those doubt/fear demons. They are so annoying. Way to push through. And I can't believe you did it in the heat of the afternoon. You for sure would have beat your best time under better conditions. Those are the hardest!

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MY4KITTIES 9/6/2012 8:28AM

    You did great in squashing the doubt demons! Good luck with your 5K this weekend!!

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AJB121299 9/6/2012 8:13AM

    great

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REJ7777 9/6/2012 7:14AM

    emoticon

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LEANJEAN6 9/6/2012 7:10AM

    Get rid of those Doubt Demons! Lynda emoticon

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ONEKIDSMOM 9/6/2012 7:01AM

    Love you girl... and look how this blog resonates with us all! Every one of us has our personal "doubt demons"! You are using the best tool to fight 'em off... logic and reason. You've got this... Go Get 'em! emoticon emoticon

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NIKO27 9/6/2012 6:45AM

    emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 9/6/2012 6:16AM

    emoticon

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TRYINGHARD54 9/6/2012 5:56AM

    emoticon emoticon

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YIWEN39 9/6/2012 5:48AM

    You go girl! You're way too strong for those DD, they just can't keep up!
Best of luck for your race this Saturday, you rock and we are all behind you emoticon

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EMOJUNKS 9/6/2012 2:18AM

    emoticon bye bye doubt demons

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GOSPARK45 9/5/2012 4:58PM

    Bye bye doubt demons! emoticon emoticon

You rock girl! Nice time. emoticon
Look who's back!

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SJKENT1 9/5/2012 3:37PM

    Shut up is right!!! Bullies... that's all it is.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other - you are on your way.

Maybe you need to start on YOUR book.

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SPARKLISE 9/5/2012 3:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MSTWOMOONS002 9/5/2012 3:29PM

    Hi Leah;
Yeah You told them doubt deamonds, You are stronger than they are, You showed them Your the boss, just let it be one step at a time in any run, You can do this you've proved it, don't give into doubt stand up to it You can do it now. Cast out the demonds you can do that too. I'll be thinking & praying for you and I'll cast the demonds out so you can run Your race.

Many Blessings Always Debby
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DR8561 9/5/2012 1:00PM

    That's the thing about Doubt Demons, they're all talk. You shut them up with action. Good luck setting a new PR on Saturday! emoticon

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AMBER281 9/5/2012 12:43PM

    Good luck with your 5K this weekend!
You can do it!

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GUITARWOMAN 9/5/2012 12:32PM

    You know, I think the doubt demons (good phrase!) get louder when we try something new and challenge ourselves.

It is not always easy to tell them to get lost, but you are right, the best way is to do something. And if that something doesn't work, don't give up, try something similar....

Your run sounded very difficult, but boy oh boy you did it!


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LINDAKAY228 9/5/2012 11:52AM

    So awesome the way you fought those doubt demons! I'm on her second book now and loving everything she's written. I'm so glad I heard about her books from you.
You are going to rock that race!!

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LYNSEY723 9/5/2012 11:50AM

    You show those DD's who's boss!!! Way to go - you will do awesome at your races!! emoticon

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IRONBLOSSOM 9/5/2012 11:34AM

    Awesome! Great work! I love reading your posts because I used to live in Bloomington and definitely miss that town! :-)

Best of luck in your 5K!

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PATTISTAMPS 9/5/2012 11:19AM

    YES!!!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!! YOU WILL DO IT!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ELLENBERRY 9/5/2012 10:26AM

    emoticon You are amazing! You are going to do great!!!!

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TRICIAE2 9/5/2012 10:23AM

    You are AWESOME!!!

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GODIVADSG 9/5/2012 9:46AM

    Way to work through the mental part of running. And may I say that is a BIG part of running!! I love that you ran in the humidity and warmth of the day. It is perfect training. We need to train in all kinds of weather and conditions... that way our body knows how to deal with it. You never know what race day conditions will be like! You done good!!! Don't think of the added miles as you prepare for your 5K, 10K and Half Marathon.... literally take it one mile at a time. Each mile will be different! I want to challenge you run the miles for friends.... it is awesome. Dedicate each mile to someone, pray , think happy thoughts about them during that mile. Don't forget that you are your BEST friend too (so add yourself)!! Happy running dear one. {{{hugs}}} emoticon

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NILLAPEPSI 9/5/2012 7:22AM

    Go in there & show 'em how it's done!!!! emoticon

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LIVEDAILY 9/5/2012 5:59AM

    emoticon
Great example of self motivating! Yep, squelching those doubt demons (we all have them), and turning it around into a POSITIVE!
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SATCHMO99 9/5/2012 3:29AM

    EE the DDs, love that thought, love your determination and the way you put into words what many of us experience, Thank you.

EE = exercise exorcise

Way to go!

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KENDRACARROLL 9/5/2012 12:50AM

    Hmm, doubt demons - I like that :)

Great job chasing them out of your head today!

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COCK-ROBIN 9/5/2012 12:41AM

    You did great in exorcising those demons! Good show!

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COCK-ROBIN 9/5/2012 12:41AM

    You did great in exorcising those demons! Good show!

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GETFIT2LIVE 9/4/2012 11:56PM

    That is how it is donr, no matter how long or short the distance, no matter how loudly the doubt demons scream. Break it up into manageable chunks, keep moving when the voices start up, and eventually they get quieter and quieter. Well done in getting that run in! Right now it is not about the speed, it's about building up the miles slowly and carefully.

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ZENSTEPH 9/4/2012 11:30PM

    Awesome! Love the grit and the honesty!

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WEEPINGANGEL74 9/4/2012 11:15PM

    emoticon

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SNOWYOGA 9/4/2012 10:53PM

    emoticon emoticon

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KRYSTALLA 9/4/2012 10:47PM

    emoticon

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SIBLEYHONEYBEE 9/4/2012 10:38PM

    Thank you Leah for keeping it real! I have my own doubt demons and I usually have to talk them down every day. I don't know why they are louder the later in the day that I do my workout, but they are. It is because of them that I am determined to workout in the mornings as much as possible. Have FUN running your 5k this weekend. YOU CAN DO IT!

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DOTTIESPLACE 9/4/2012 10:34PM

    I keep telling myself that doubting voice belongs to the old me. Push it right out of your head Leah. If it starts screaming too loud start singing and get going! Good luck on Saturday!

Run girl run!

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RUN_BAKE_BLOG 9/4/2012 10:10PM

    The demons can always be silenced by their arch nemesis...
Determination
Oh, and yelling at those chumps can help to!
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1GODGIRL 9/4/2012 10:09PM

    That's right! You tell those doubt demons to SHUT UP! You go girl! You CAN DO THIS! You are emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 9/4/2012 10:04PM

    emoticon

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WONDERWOMAN 9/4/2012 9:50PM

    Buh BYE Doubt Demons!

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DONNA5281 9/4/2012 9:38PM

 

Way to go!! Keep thinking positive!!

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GOING-STRONG 9/4/2012 9:32PM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 9/4/2012 9:31PM

    way to go

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CORINA-MOMOF4 9/4/2012 9:21PM

    emoticon

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MICKEYMAX 9/4/2012 9:21PM

    YOU SO ROCK!!! GO GIRL!

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YOU GOT THIS!

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SMANISMELL 9/4/2012 9:21PM

    Good job on conquering the doubt demons and good luck on your race.
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JENN03275 9/4/2012 9:18PM

    Keep it up!!

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