Trying to get myself out of this funk, here it is Labor Day and I am not laboring (besides cleaning the house).

I know the economy is bad but not being able to find a job is really frustrating and trying to keep my head up and smile, even though I don't feel like it. I have been to interviews but nothing has panned out (yet). MY BIRTHDAY is on September 5th a few days from now and my only birthday wish is to have a job. I have massive experience, almost 4 years of college, anyone who gets me would be getting a bargain. (You know they don't pay you what you are worth).

Still reeling from a long drawn out divorce from a 24 year marriage, even though I have moved to another state the "residue" from the marriage still follows (community property issues even if they are not mine but legally they are), so my dream of being free and starting over again and trying to get my life together is on pause.

My daughters have now moved away, one daughter that I had close by here since I moved to California has moved to Florida.

My other daughter, her twin sister, is now in Georgia. Plus I have the stress of knowing one day she will deploy, I know I won't sleep well during that time, but God will be watching her and I'll be praying for her as always.

I have let ALL of this weigh me down emotionally and literally. I was doing so good when I was working, I dropped over 20 lbs and now it is creeping back. And after seeing Rosie O'Donnell have a heart attack it has made me very nervous she is only 2 years older than me. I have to take care of me and my heart and I have a feeling I am also pre-diabetic also. I saw first hand my EX having a heart attack, I drove him to the fire station because there was no way to make it to the hospital in time. So having a heart attack as early as my late 40s scares me because I know it is possible. I need to start taking better care of myself and stop procrastinating.

Well thank you for letting me rant and get this off of my chest ... Hugs to all of you here at Sparkpeople.