Embarrassed By My Own Body
Monday, September 03, 2012
Yesterday, we took the governor, aka youngest son, to Six Flags. The last time I had been to an amusemant park was 12yrs ago when I got married. I was a bit unnerved back then by my body but I was able to ride the rides, and did have a great time. Of course I weighed 240lbs back then.
Well fast forward to 60lbs more, and lets just say I didn't enjoy the park very much. Yes it was fun to watch my youngest battle his fears, and ride some of the rides but overall, I felt so embarrassed by my body. I knew I would not be able to ride some of the rides. What I didn't realize is that, I was not able to ride most of the rides. There was a couple rides that I tried getting in the seat, only to have to get off and leave. I walked away so embarrassed.
After six hours of this, I was ready to go home. I felt so defeated, especially since my weight has been fluctuating up and down by 5lbs. I finally dropped 20lbs, and got below 300's but then its has been fluctuating ever since. I know there are some things that I keep loosing consistency on. One of those is drinking my water. This is so simple yet I struggle so bad with this. Another thing is being consistent with tracking my food. I don't know why its so hard to just do this at times. I know tracking foods helps me stay on board of staying with in my calorie range.
So here I am sitting with my water bottle trying to drink what I can. I like water, I just don't know why it is so hard at times to get it in. There are times that I honestly prefer water to soda, so that is a good thing. I also made sure I once again tracked what I have eaten. I don't know if this gets monotonous after a while, and maybe that is why it gets hard to drink water, as well as track my food.
I don't want to be stuck with a fat mentality. I do deserve to be healthy, and at the right weight for me. Its just so hard to get out of that mentality. I want to get healthier, I want to be slimmer, I want to enjoy my life.