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Embarrassed By My Own Body

Monday, September 03, 2012

Yesterday, we took the governor, aka youngest son, to Six Flags. The last time I had been to an amusemant park was 12yrs ago when I got married. I was a bit unnerved back then by my body but I was able to ride the rides, and did have a great time. Of course I weighed 240lbs back then.

Well fast forward to 60lbs more, and lets just say I didn't enjoy the park very much. Yes it was fun to watch my youngest battle his fears, and ride some of the rides but overall, I felt so embarrassed by my body. I knew I would not be able to ride some of the rides. What I didn't realize is that, I was not able to ride most of the rides. There was a couple rides that I tried getting in the seat, only to have to get off and leave. I walked away so embarrassed.

After six hours of this, I was ready to go home. I felt so defeated, especially since my weight has been fluctuating up and down by 5lbs. I finally dropped 20lbs, and got below 300's but then its has been fluctuating ever since. I know there are some things that I keep loosing consistency on. One of those is drinking my water. This is so simple yet I struggle so bad with this. Another thing is being consistent with tracking my food. I don't know why its so hard to just do this at times. I know tracking foods helps me stay on board of staying with in my calorie range.

So here I am sitting with my water bottle trying to drink what I can. I like water, I just don't know why it is so hard at times to get it in. There are times that I honestly prefer water to soda, so that is a good thing. I also made sure I once again tracked what I have eaten. I don't know if this gets monotonous after a while, and maybe that is why it gets hard to drink water, as well as track my food.

I don't want to be stuck with a fat mentality. I do deserve to be healthy, and at the right weight for me. Its just so hard to get out of that mentality. I want to get healthier, I want to be slimmer, I want to enjoy my life.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1987 days ago
    I feel the same way you do at times. Thanks for writing this. I know it seems like a lot to get used to at first, but it's possible. I still struggle with tracking food some days (especially when I know I've eaten stuff I shouldn't because I don't want to see that big number in my totals telling me I failed...again.) The water thing was hard to get used to at first. But I can say that now 6 months into this thing, if I don't drink enough I feel like crap.
    One thing I do that helps is that I use a 16 oz glass. That way to make my 8 glasses I only need to fill my glass 4 times in a day. Everything else is a bonus.
    Hang in there my friend. Part of the journey is handling the up and down weight thing. And believe me...next summer watch out Amusement Park!!

    I will walk with you...one foot in front of the other. One good choice at a time. We will get there together!!

    Hang in there! I'm thinking about you today... emoticon
    1994 days ago
    1994 days ago
    1995 days ago
    I believe that most of us dealing with weight concerns have felt embarrassed by our bodies - at one point or another.

    My precious SP Friend - when we encounter such ordeals as you shared we are wise we learn from them. Let all those negative feelings spur you on to a determination to drink that water & track your foods.

    Although I enjoy drinking water plain, at times I like a change & find that making flavored water works well. I simply make a pot of herbal tea & add water to dilute it & then drink it iced throughout the day. As the ice melts the tea is diluted even further & the little bit of flavor gives the water a nice taste, which I enjoy.

    I don't use the SP tracker for tracking food - instead I use a notebook & pencil. I have Dr. Phil's calorie counting book to refer to, as well as the calorie counts on products. That process works well for me & saves me being tied to the computer.

    It truly is all about finding out what works for your body & your lifestyle & going with it.

    I am rooting for you to succeed on this challenging & wonderful life changing journey.

    May the next time you go to Six Flags bring you the joy of being able to ride any ride you desire!

    God bless you!

    1995 days ago
    1995 days ago
    Drinking water is one of those things that is hard at first, but it becomes easier as you do it more. Make it into a habit.

    Things that work for me:

    1. Always have a bottle of water within reach. This is especially useful if you are a snacker because you can replace mindless snacking with mindless water drinking.

    2. When you go to the store, take a bottle in your purse and drink it while you shop. Not only will it help you stay focused on your goals of eating healthy, it will also keep you from being too hungry.

    3. Drink 16 oz of water within 2 hours of waking. If you start drinking it early in the day, it is easier to get it all in.

    If you are still drinking soda every day, try replacing it with water one day a week. Then, increase it until drinking soda becomes an occasional thing, and drinking water becomes a natural thing.

    1995 days ago
    I think a lot of people go through the same thing. But just think of how amazing and confident you'll feel once you CAN get on those rides. Keep moving forward and you'll get there.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1995 days ago
    I can relate to a lot to what you are writing. I went to a water park this June and didn't even consider going down some of the slides (one had a weight restriction posted!). Next year, I plan on feeling comfortable in my own body - I won't be at goal, but if I am lighter by a few pounds, it is a success!!!

    Don't get discouraged - you are on the right path! It will take time, but have patience . . . you'll feel awesome about it :) Focus on small goals - drinking all your water for the week is a great one to start with!

    1995 days ago
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    1995 days ago
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