40,000-49,999 SparkPoints 45,186

Train of thought rambling to get off of my chest...

Monday, September 03, 2012

Still studying for my ACE group fitness certification. Still on chapter 1 of the exercise science book and struggling to get through the anatomy and memorization stuff. Still emotionally eating...badly in the last few weeks, as my boys are now both in school, I am home with just the dogs, and hubby is harping on me to find paid work. I see his point and know we need the income, but I don't know where to start and don't want to give up full time homemaking, even though you can say I dropped the M off of the SAHM status. I'm no longer subbing for our pilates/yoga class as I'm running boys to soccer idea, and I get the "I told you I didn't want to tie up our nights" so it is my responsibility. Still teaching kickboxing 2x a week, but that is it for my physical fitness. Struggling to get back into running...struggling to eat right and stay away from boredom-stress-emotional eating. Not succeeding. I know what I should be doing. I have healthy options in my refrigerator. But...but there are all sorts of processed snacks from my dad and mom for the boys and I know I can't stuff my emotions with food, but I'm trying anyways, and obviously failing. It's so hard. You know that and I know that and I hate feeling whiney, but damn, this is hard. And I know I will be alright. I will make my way out of this pit of guilt and pity and I will restart this journey and I will tell myself it will be the last time because I'm sick of starting over and it gets harder each time. Tomorrow is a new day right? :)
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ERIN1128
    You're strong, you can do this! And remember, we're here for you. ;-)
    1995 days ago
    Some of it is getting a different way to look at things. Such as "starting over", don't look at it as quitting and starting over; you have a bad day here and there, you're not totally off track. Shake it off and take a step in the right direction. When you are walking to a store and you take a few steps in a different direction to look at something, you didn't quit going to the store, you still got there, it just took a few more steps. So work on getting a more positive perspective and don't beat yourself up over the little things and make them bigger than what they need to be. You have goals and you are taking steps towards them.
    emoticon emoticon
    1995 days ago
    I'm so glad I stopped by your page - I have been absent from SP for so long, and came to peek at your page (I'm trying to find a 5% fall challenge team - do you know where they are?). Anywho, I could really ramble with my comment, but I will try to keep it brief. My three are going into 6th, 5th and 3rd grade this year. This is the most bittersweet time of year for me. I also struggle with the whole paid employment thing - we have a business, and I feel as if I cannot be there enough with the kid's schedules to really be productive. What you are doing with the ACE exam is wonderful, and I urge you to continue with that, and hire yourself out as a trainer. This is something I have always wanted to do, and have always allowed something else to get in my way. It's a win-win for you. You can have clients during the day time, and have your family in the evenings! It will take time, but you can do it!
    1995 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. Things will work out, you have to believe that! Hang in there!!
    1995 days ago
    Emotions are a confidence killer. Even positive emotions sometimes give us too much confidence and make us feel worthy of things we should not indulge in. But I know you can turn the boat around and you know you can turn the boat around sometimes you just have to find the right place to turn it around in. You can do it! I know you can and will!!!!
    1996 days ago
    I wish I could find a job myself. I am not very productive when I am not working.
    1996 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.